I Am Getting a Divorce
Six months ago... Seems like it was just yesterday. So many things have changed since then. January the 8th. Somehow I knew the end was coming even months days and years before it came to an abrupt stop. Its ironic today that I am writing this from that place that had happened six months ago. Scared of the past, afraid of the future. That is where I was.
I fell asleep next to a bulkhead after having a fight the night before. She repeatedly slammed her head into the wall while my kids watched. Yet one of many outbursts from her that were violent. They always talk about what its like to be a women and to be abused by a man. They never talk about what its like to be the man and a victim of domestic and emotional abuse by a woman. That is where I was. She repeatedly broke my things. Beat me down with abusive words. Said mean hateful things, things I just want to forget. It was toxic and when you are in the mustard gas its so hard to see what is really going on. So there I was sleeping next to the side of the plane. A woman who I never met quietly sat down beside me with her bible. She read the whole flight and we barely exchanged but a few scarce words. After the plane had landed, she looked over to me and said he wants me to tell you something. I was like what?! He wants you to know that he knows your a good father and that he loves you very much. I was like huh? He wants you to know that he is here for you. Thats when it dawned on me after having been an atheist for some 20 years. I abandoned God but he never abandoned me. This journey I was going down I thought I was alone and I wasn't. My face turned white kind of like catching Santa Claus as a kid putting presents around the tree. My life was never the same after that.
Many twists and turns have happened since. I once prayed at the side of a hotel bed with tears in my eyes begging for a married woman's hand. Asking God to let me have her. But God doesn't answer prayers the way we want him to. He answers them the way he sees what is best for us to have them answered. So I followed a set of stone's that led me to another path away from my toxic marriage. Away from bad decisions and a path towards righteousness. A path towards God. Along that path I met Nellie. A woman whose beauty is undefineable. Her depth for compassion opens my eyes to see her for what she truly is. A white rose in a sea of beautiful roses of different colors. Her personality is not truly just simple, its remarkeable. God didn't give me the married woman. He gave me something better. Something so so much better. Someone who truly could love me the way that I deserve to be loved. The way that I deserve to be cared for. God knew when I couldn't see five feet in front of me.
So here I am now opening a new chapter to my life. Flying back to Seattle. The same place that I failed to get the job at Amazon but instead met the love of my life. 15 more mins I fly back to Seattle. This time to get her and bring her back to my own life. Two vines that God had once let grow against the fence now seek to intertwine and become one. Her blooms wrap and churn around my own. There is no greater love than that or God's love for me.
I fell asleep next to a bulkhead after having a fight the night before. She repeatedly slammed her head into the wall while my kids watched. Yet one of many outbursts from her that were violent. They always talk about what its like to be a women and to be abused by a man. They never talk about what its like to be the man and a victim of domestic and emotional abuse by a woman. That is where I was. She repeatedly broke my things. Beat me down with abusive words. Said mean hateful things, things I just want to forget. It was toxic and when you are in the mustard gas its so hard to see what is really going on. So there I was sleeping next to the side of the plane. A woman who I never met quietly sat down beside me with her bible. She read the whole flight and we barely exchanged but a few scarce words. After the plane had landed, she looked over to me and said he wants me to tell you something. I was like what?! He wants you to know that he knows your a good father and that he loves you very much. I was like huh? He wants you to know that he is here for you. Thats when it dawned on me after having been an atheist for some 20 years. I abandoned God but he never abandoned me. This journey I was going down I thought I was alone and I wasn't. My face turned white kind of like catching Santa Claus as a kid putting presents around the tree. My life was never the same after that.
Many twists and turns have happened since. I once prayed at the side of a hotel bed with tears in my eyes begging for a married woman's hand. Asking God to let me have her. But God doesn't answer prayers the way we want him to. He answers them the way he sees what is best for us to have them answered. So I followed a set of stone's that led me to another path away from my toxic marriage. Away from bad decisions and a path towards righteousness. A path towards God. Along that path I met Nellie. A woman whose beauty is undefineable. Her depth for compassion opens my eyes to see her for what she truly is. A white rose in a sea of beautiful roses of different colors. Her personality is not truly just simple, its remarkeable. God didn't give me the married woman. He gave me something better. Something so so much better. Someone who truly could love me the way that I deserve to be loved. The way that I deserve to be cared for. God knew when I couldn't see five feet in front of me.
So here I am now opening a new chapter to my life. Flying back to Seattle. The same place that I failed to get the job at Amazon but instead met the love of my life. 15 more mins I fly back to Seattle. This time to get her and bring her back to my own life. Two vines that God had once let grow against the fence now seek to intertwine and become one. Her blooms wrap and churn around my own. There is no greater love than that or God's love for me.
