Oddly specific and something I care about...
Poll - Total Votes: 7
Keep talking to them about him, they need that
Let it go, that's probably not helpful
Don't bring him up unless they bring him up
You can only vote on one answer.
I don't usually post the things that are in my heart as much as when I first got here.
I haven't had a good relationship with my ex husband since I got my own apartment. It's been 5 years since we separated. We're not on good terms. On good days we can manage about 15 minutes of direct conversation before things go sideways..
Through it all I've still tried to facilitate and maintain the relationship between the kids and their dad. I talk about the good things. I talk about the ways they are like their dad. We talk about his strengths. We talk about funny stuff. I try to make space for their feelings because just because I'm glad he's not around doesn't mean that they don't miss him.
I used to call more regularly when the kids asked. They don't ask to call much anymore. Lots of un answered calls. He's different with the kids in front of me. Behind closed doors he's not the most pleasant.
Ever since I found out about the legal troubles he was facing and that it might have involved a minor I've kept the kids away. Not that he saw them much anyway, I just stopped letting him randomly pop up in their lives. I asked him to just tell me what was going on. Ease my mind that it's not some pedo stuff. Of course he was difficult because it was me that was asking. So I said untill I know for sure that your charges or conviction won't end up saying you can't be around minors then I can't make these random visits happen.
So now I wonder if I should keep trying to help his relationship with the kids? They are old enough to have their own opinions on him. Though my 5 yo is still happy to talk and ask about his dad everybody else seems indifferent. I don't want to push it or cause them to have to really face the reality of how he is. We all know how he is and that he's. Not present. Maybe talking about him is too much? Maybe they don't need me to keep bringing up things about him. I just don't want them to resent where they come from or feel bad that they look or act like him. Even tho I don't like him that doesn't mean he is not likeable to some, he still has good parts.
What say you?
It would help if you explained your positions in the comments.
I haven't had a good relationship with my ex husband since I got my own apartment. It's been 5 years since we separated. We're not on good terms. On good days we can manage about 15 minutes of direct conversation before things go sideways..
Through it all I've still tried to facilitate and maintain the relationship between the kids and their dad. I talk about the good things. I talk about the ways they are like their dad. We talk about his strengths. We talk about funny stuff. I try to make space for their feelings because just because I'm glad he's not around doesn't mean that they don't miss him.
I used to call more regularly when the kids asked. They don't ask to call much anymore. Lots of un answered calls. He's different with the kids in front of me. Behind closed doors he's not the most pleasant.
Ever since I found out about the legal troubles he was facing and that it might have involved a minor I've kept the kids away. Not that he saw them much anyway, I just stopped letting him randomly pop up in their lives. I asked him to just tell me what was going on. Ease my mind that it's not some pedo stuff. Of course he was difficult because it was me that was asking. So I said untill I know for sure that your charges or conviction won't end up saying you can't be around minors then I can't make these random visits happen.
So now I wonder if I should keep trying to help his relationship with the kids? They are old enough to have their own opinions on him. Though my 5 yo is still happy to talk and ask about his dad everybody else seems indifferent. I don't want to push it or cause them to have to really face the reality of how he is. We all know how he is and that he's. Not present. Maybe talking about him is too much? Maybe they don't need me to keep bringing up things about him. I just don't want them to resent where they come from or feel bad that they look or act like him. Even tho I don't like him that doesn't mean he is not likeable to some, he still has good parts.
What say you?
It would help if you explained your positions in the comments.
