Only logged in members can reply and interact with the post.
Join SimilarWorlds for FREE »

I Am Going Through a Divorce Right Now

I currently house share with my soon to be ex wife until the divorce is finalised.
She has a boyfriend that she has been seeing for over a year and in the last two months he has met our children and he has stayed over at hour house when I am away.
So this morning she asked me if I was going out soon to sleep over at a friend's house because her boyfriend would like to come stay at our house, she added : ''it has been a bit since he saw the children'' (By that she meant our children and he saw them last week on Friday night). It bugged me immensely but I couldn't' quite put words on what it was. Then I realised what annoys me about it, it is that she is asking me the father of the children to allow them time with someone who isn't' their father.
Besides the obvious fact that she prioritises her boyfriend over me in our children's life, it also raises worries about her trying to make him a 'substitute father'.
She is a very aggressive and argumentative person, which forces me to take my time before answering any such situation. But I am concerned that she will try to undermine my role in the children's life as a father. Hopefully they can see through that.
gmatthewb · 51-55, M
I'm not sure if you have been told before, but do your best to document everything with dates and times. I went through a divorce and was not as prepared as I could have been. I wish someone would have told me sooner to document everything. For this situation, write it down in a divorce diary that she asked this of you and how it made you feel. You are the children's father, you are the priority in their lives. From what I understand, she just wants the children to accept her boyfriend to make things easier on her. It is rather selfish.
@gmatthewb Absolutely. Good advice.
MrSquishy · 56-60, M
@gmatthewb The divorce is almost final, I am way beyond the taking note part. But thanks. It is a sound advice for anyone entering in a divorce procedure or considering it.
booboo · M
wow...what a tough spot to be in..my heart goes out to you as i'm sure you're heartsick about the whole situation, most caring fathers are... and the aggressiveness of the your ex will bring drama for sure..eventually, your children will see the truth and will be drawn to the loving parent...my son is experiencing something similar so I understand....message me anytime you need to just vent...i know how important it is for someone in your place to have a listening ear...
MrSquishy · 56-60, M
@booboo Its ok thanks. It is now a matter of moving away from her toxicity.
booboo · M
@MrSquishy Yeah, my son's daughters are 3 and 6 and it's been rough on them...he put in the divorce agreement that she cannot move more than 10 miles from him (her kin live 2000 miles away)...they share joint custody...if she does, he gets custody and she must pay child support...there's lots of other shit she's trying to pull so I told him next time she makes an unreasonable offer, say "what if I suggested that? Would you agree to it?" That usually shuts her up with her stupid selfish requests....not always, but usually...
MrSquishy · 56-60, M
@booboo it is sad that law allows one parent to use the children to punish or hurt the other parent. It seems obvious that no parent should be deprived of visitation unless they harm the children.
Enchanted · 56-60, F
I really feel for you, I too am going through a very painful separation/divorce (married 29 years) first off I could never live under the same roof with my husband, he is out.

I do understand that some circumstances make it where you have to live together, and that has to be the worst IMO.

As for the boyfriend thing, I think it's wrong altogether, and would not leave to accommodate her needs.

I wish you all the best with this situation and a better future.
MrSquishy · 56-60, M
@Enchanted thank you and that is exactly my thought... he has not priority over me with my kids.
I went through something similar many years ago. No matter the age of the children, yes they Will see through it all eventually. Continue to be respectful and courteous though you may have to grit your teeth at times. Disrespectful people get No respect themselves in the end.
MrSquishy · 56-60, M
@RenaissanceMan I hope for that. But I am dealing with a seriously deranged and manipulative ex.
SmartKat · 61-69, F
She's not very sensitive to your feelings. To put it mildly.
@MrSquishy I think an amiable divorce is an oxymoron. And it is all the clash of feelings mostly severe ones that effect the children the most profoundly. I am glad you are being a gentleman.
SmartKat · 61-69, F
@PoetryNEmotion Divorce always hurts - for everybody involved. But I think his STBX is being much worse than she has to be. My divorce hurt, but we weren't that horrible to each other.
@SmartKat The degree of monster varies, Kat.
getmeouttahere · 36-40, F
I agree with enchanted. Don't give in to her wanting you to leave so this other guy can be more a part of their lives. The more you give the more she will take.
diablesse · 56-60, F
Let her know she and her boyfriend are welcome to make plans with the children if he is so keen on spending time with them, as long as it doesn't involve you having to leave your home.
MrSquishy · 56-60, M
@diablesse I hope they will see those things eventually...they are just a little to young to fully realise for now.
diablesse · 56-60, F
They will. Children are much more perceptive than we think.
MrSquishy · 56-60, M
@diablesse i certainly have faith in that!
SW-User
I'm so sorry... you just continue to be the best dad you can possibly be, your kids will never forget who their real father is. Most important thing is for that other man to treat your kids right. I wish you all the best ☺
MrSquishy · 56-60, M
@SW-User thanks.
Mysti · 51-55, F
Exactly why you shouldn't be living together anymore.
MrSquishy · 56-60, M
@Mysti It is not a situation I chose.
I lived with the ex while I divorced him and for a short time afterwards. It was for financial reasons. It was a disaster. I would never recommend it. I suggest you mention what is going on to your lawyer. Who has custody? How much? I can certainly understand how this would make you feel. Your children will always be yours. Even if they are little, they will turn to you and if not now then later. Children learn the truth as they grow. Is there someone trusted you can talk to? How about a therapist? You need to express how you feel. Is this man a good man? Please take care of yourself. Love your children as you do. Don't lose your temper. She has been seeing him for over a year? I don't believe in this staying over when you are not there. Could she not wait until you had finally left the house. Makes me wonder if the kids should have therapy too? I wish you...patience and good luck. If you wish to talk, let me know, Squishy.
MrSquishy · 56-60, M
@PoetryNEmotion Thanks, I can handle all this. I just wanted to share this as it stunned me as incredibly dismissive of me as a father.
Trust me ... ignore her and what you think she may be doing ... take the high ground.

The boyfriend is a loser in this situation ... he has earned your pity.

The high ground comes with patience ... expedite finding an apartment ... own your future ... draft your own course.
SW-User
Parental order perhaps?
MrSquishy · 56-60, M
@SW-User No not at this stage, it would just escalate things.
Loretta78 · 46-50, F
Aww!! That's weird!! 😟

 
Post Comment