My siblings are trying to make me feel bad about avoiding my dad

My dad's birthday happens to land on fathers day. My brothers got me on this group chat thing where every week they'll plan some kind of activity where we can all hang out. I think that's fine and I appreciate them inviting me to hang out with them but I just got back up on my feet from 9 years of drinking and self-destruction. Not trying to say dad made me go down this route but he was definitely a big stressor in my life up until I left his place. And actually, even after I left his place, he still found ways to force himself into my life. All he's ever done is criticize and criticize. Nothing I've ever done was ever good enough for him. As a child I was pretty charismatic and full of humor. As the years went by I found myself becoming more and more depressed because of my dad's rage problems. He used to punch holes in walls, kick me, scratch me, yank my ear, scream in my face, cuss me out, etc. He even picked me up and threw me across my room once when I woke up late for a football game. I never wanted to play football but he forced me to for years to "man me up". And while it did in fact help in that way, I never appreciated how he'd scream at me during and after the games for "embarrasing" him because I wasn't all that good. I would find it silly when he'd say: "I'm sorry but I can't stay and watch the full game today, I gotta head to work" because I actually preferred it when he'd do that.

Whenever I'd ask my dad for help with my homework, he'd resort to screaming at me if I didn't quite grasp the concept as quickly as he wanted me to. I remember very vividly eating a bowl of cheerios with my own tear drops mixed in after he "helped" me with my homework. When I think of my dad, I just think of fear and him kicking me or smacking me behind the head. I also recall a time when he said: "who plans on having kids?!" I don't remember what led to that conversation during one of his classic 1-2 hour drive rants but it helped me understand him better. I for one do in fact plan on having at least one kid or two because I actually want some.

He'd always criticize my low self-esteem but after many years of self-reflection, I've come to understand just where it all stemmed from. I've come to understand where my people-pleasing started and it was right back at home with my dad because nothing was ever good enough for him.

My older, more "successful" brother who has his same name often tells me to just forgive him and I can do that, but that doesn't mean I have to hang with him. He might be my blood but he's not a part of my life anymore. And I might stop by if I had a car still because I feel a bit cold-hearted if I decline but relying on other people to take me to his house and then relying on other people to take me back home on their time isn't my idea of a good time because I know he WILL inevitably find a way to argue about something. It's not an IF thing, my dad WILL find a reason to criticize one of us or all of us. And when that happens I like to be able to get up and leave without having to buy an expensive Uber/Lyft back home. Why my siblings accept his behavior is not any of my business but I sure as hell won't accept his anger outbursts anymore and I've decided to make that point very clear ever since hitting rock bottom.

For the record: My life has only gotten healthier since then because I decided to trust myself and make my own way without seeking his approval.