Having a hard time processing a difficult event that happened over Christmas.

Someone contacted me that I haven’t heard from in over 20 years. My mom‘s ex-husband. They got divorced when I was really young like 3 or 4 years old. No this is not my biological father. Allegedly, he was very abusive to my mother. One of the reasons why she left. For many years after the divorce it was the typical story of him saying that he will be there for birthdays and Christmases but never showed up. No phone call. Left me very traumatized along with having trust and abandonment issues. Now given my mom wasn’t perfect either. Had her own issues. Lied. Supposedly told her ex-husband that I was his but found out during a blood test that I wasn’t. My mom had lied to me for many years about her drug and alcohol abuse. Along with other things. Wasn’t really that good of a person. So I have my own trust issues around my mother as well. She died in 2017 from cancer. Fast forward to Christmas 2023. I get a phone call from her ex-husband. Says that he’s been wanting to contact me for years. Says that there are things that he’s wanted to tell me but hasn’t been able to. Said that my mother made it very difficult for him to see me. Kept me from him. Says that he doesn’t want to badmouth the dead, but there were things that happened that he thinks I need to know about. Wants to meet up and talk face-to-face. Told him if he wants to travel to meet up in my hometown that’s up to him. He says that he wants to be here for me now, and have a relationship with me. So New Year’s arrives. I thought maybe I’d hear Happy New Year’s from him. Nothing. Just like when I was a kid. Three days later no happy new year. Haven’t heard from him since Christmas. Just like when I was a kid. Why should I have any trust in anybody? Why should I have faith that someone is going to actually be there for me and not let me down? I have never had a positive person in my life that I can trust to be there for me. Everybody always lies to me and lets me down. I am seriously about ready just to block his number. It’s like you had your chance and you blew it. Why should I try to trust people when I just keep getting traumatized and hurt over and over again? Should I just block his ass? Or should I see if he contacts me and gives me some BS excuse on why I haven’t heard from him since Christmas? Idk what to do or think. But one thing I know for sure it is not my placed to contact him. If he wants this supposed relationship and to be here for me now then he needs to be the one to reach out, not me.

SW-User

@Jenny1234 but I’m scared of being hurt worse than I already am. I’m worried he’s going to lie to me and I’ll be more confused than I already am. Like what if he starts telling me a bunch of stuff supposedly that my mom did when they were together? She’s not alive anymore to defend herself. He could lie to me and tell me a bunch of stories. So I don’t really have a whole Lotta trust in this person that lied to me and abandoned me as a child. Why is he showing up all of a sudden out of the blue? Why didn’t he wish me a happy new year? Maybe he’s just an alcoholic and trying to make amends. I have a lot of alarm bells, ringing, and something tells me this is not right.

SW-User

@Jenny1234 thank you for reaching out and commenting. I appreciate it. This is a very difficult confusing topic. I don’t have a therapist to help me figure out the right solution. And I don’t have many friends either.

IndianaJoes · M

@SW-User OMG. This is probably the top #1 spooky story of the night honestly. If I was you I might even consider going to the police station and tell the police you're not there to stir any problems up and there's probably no problems and your hope there won't be any problems but you just like to put a report in a file cabinet somewhere so if something would happen to you then the investigators will know who the first guy to go talk to would be. You know no restraining orders or anything like that. Unless it becomes necessary of course. You're not there to stir up any crap just tell the nice police officers that this is weirding you out and you just want them to put some kind of a file in a cabinet somewhere at the police station that'll pop up if something crazy comes out of this.