I am stressing out.

My dad told me last night that his cancer has progressed. He has to see his doctor and look for additional treatment options.

I know that it's not an instant death sentence for him. But it did throw me into depression that's still present today. I don't know what I would do without him.

It also brings up thoughts of how useless I am. As he gets older, I will be expected to do more for him.

For example, he hurt his back two days ago (hopefully nothing permanent) and now he's relying on me to move a bunch of things for him within a certain time frame.

I am expected to be reliable.

But I'm not reliable. I lost my last good job because I'm a disorganized alcoholic.

I feel as if this is a verdict about my worth. I'm being handed a test about whether I'm capable of being his adult son. A test which I've faced before, in different — but related — forms, and failed already.

I am stressing out.

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Baybreeze · 41-45, F

My dad passed of cancer this year, he was diagnosed in January and passed in February..it was very aggressive 🙁 Anything you do at all..helps. you are not useless. My favorite author Byron Katie would completely flip your mindset. She says Did you brush your teeth today or tie your shoes? You've reached potential and have potential. 🙂 You're talking to your dad and even doing a task or two? You're not useless !! So do not believe any crap thought about it. Id just say savor all moments with him that's the key🪻

SinlessOnslaught · M

@Baybreeze Thank you, Bay. And I'm sorry for your loss.

Boeing · 36-40

because I'm a disorganized alcoholic.

correct

because I was a disorganized alcoholic.

And also

A test which I've faced before, in different — but related — forms, and failed already.

I see options here.. Opportunity to change yourself, a calling for change.
Or, an invitation to release his expectations.

Much love to you dearest. Don't be too harsh on yourself and yet consider the situation and your responses.
Get over those pety narratives about yourself.. And get up, it's time to begin with your mission, whatever that means to you. Perhaps it means, it's time to find out what it is for you.. And start from there.

Your dad needing a different treatments is difficult. I'm sorry about that.

SinlessOnslaught · M

@Boeing I'm overwhelmed.

Hugs.

Boeing · 36-40

@SinlessOnslaught and u still hold the capacity to show up, even with a brief answer here. You're much stronger than you think M. 🌹

MrSmartyPants · 46-50, M

I've gone through similar things, had to be my dad's caregiver, till I couldn't do it on my own anymore.

You've demonstrated by what i've seen on SW an incredibly caring and upright person, I would be proud to be more like you, to be a spokesperson for common decency for one thing.

Let your dad know how much you care about him, treasure time left. And see, keep persevering in seeing your own value.

View 2 more replies »

SinlessOnslaught · M

@MrSmartyPants I didn't know you saw me that way. Thank you.

MrSmartyPants · 46-50, M

@SinlessOnslaught Well now you know, and being a Miram friend helps too, you are on the side of the Just.

SinlessOnslaught · M

@MrSmartyPants I was just thinking the same about you.

eyeno · M

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