Back after 3 years
I have returned to this damned website after 3 years of not checking in. It's odd how I always find my way back when I need to vent, to feel heard. I've spent the last three years busy with school--I graduated with a degree in Sociology (a bit embarrassing to say out loud), which is an accomplishment because I spent years in and out of school, just wasting time. Or learning lessons, I suppose.
I graduated in 2025, and soon after, I left my dead-end, monotonous WFH role at a health insurance company for a new role within the same company, where I often feel like I'm drowning in tasks I can't manage to understand entirely. I'm learning a lot though. I get to practice my conversational skills, and i'm meeting new people, which has enlightened some ambition within me. Ironically enough, I feel like my brain has turned into mush these last three years. I used to blame the previous work-from-home role I worked for about 4 years for my loss of conversational skills... whatever I had then, at least. But I think my mind has just been preoccupied with potato hobbies. Just a lot of doomscrolling and focusing on other people. I feel dumb and numb. I used to be so vibrant and witty, and I'm just not sure where it's gone.
Writing here has always helped. Processing my thoughts and feelings in this way is therapeutic for me, and it's good practice to get me back to the persona I enjoyed. I used to be so passionate, but man, people are exhausting. People just take and take, and I'm tired of giving. I can't help but take all of the small inconsiderations personally; I can't, and I just wish it were different. I want to not feel the need to do things for others without feeling like I'm terrible. I think I'm just tired of the constant overwhelm--of the stress from meeting deadlines at work, from taxes I still haven't filed, from thinking about the other things I should be doing instead of being online, and from feeling so many bad feelings.
About a year ago, I found out that my dad was cheating on my mom. I don't know why I thought my mom deserved to know. I mean, she did, but she just hasn't handled that well. I can't say I would've either, but considering the absolute hell this household has been since the day I decided to tell her, I regret it. And my dad, the man who I loved with my entire heart and soul... the only man who I thought I could trust, who I idolized and exemplified for the men I came to date, I just can't stand him anymore. I don't know if I hate him, but I just wish he hadn't done that. I wish he hadn't decided to be like most other men--just out for himself, without regard for those who were supposed to matter, for the women who dedicate their lives to a husband in the name of love only to be disillusioned by the realities of lust and selfishness.
I graduated in 2025, and soon after, I left my dead-end, monotonous WFH role at a health insurance company for a new role within the same company, where I often feel like I'm drowning in tasks I can't manage to understand entirely. I'm learning a lot though. I get to practice my conversational skills, and i'm meeting new people, which has enlightened some ambition within me. Ironically enough, I feel like my brain has turned into mush these last three years. I used to blame the previous work-from-home role I worked for about 4 years for my loss of conversational skills... whatever I had then, at least. But I think my mind has just been preoccupied with potato hobbies. Just a lot of doomscrolling and focusing on other people. I feel dumb and numb. I used to be so vibrant and witty, and I'm just not sure where it's gone.
Writing here has always helped. Processing my thoughts and feelings in this way is therapeutic for me, and it's good practice to get me back to the persona I enjoyed. I used to be so passionate, but man, people are exhausting. People just take and take, and I'm tired of giving. I can't help but take all of the small inconsiderations personally; I can't, and I just wish it were different. I want to not feel the need to do things for others without feeling like I'm terrible. I think I'm just tired of the constant overwhelm--of the stress from meeting deadlines at work, from taxes I still haven't filed, from thinking about the other things I should be doing instead of being online, and from feeling so many bad feelings.
About a year ago, I found out that my dad was cheating on my mom. I don't know why I thought my mom deserved to know. I mean, she did, but she just hasn't handled that well. I can't say I would've either, but considering the absolute hell this household has been since the day I decided to tell her, I regret it. And my dad, the man who I loved with my entire heart and soul... the only man who I thought I could trust, who I idolized and exemplified for the men I came to date, I just can't stand him anymore. I don't know if I hate him, but I just wish he hadn't done that. I wish he hadn't decided to be like most other men--just out for himself, without regard for those who were supposed to matter, for the women who dedicate their lives to a husband in the name of love only to be disillusioned by the realities of lust and selfishness.
26-30, FNew
