After having some issues with discipline and how to handle things around the house, I’ve asked people for some advice and suggestions. I don’t have kids of my own, I’m a pretty fresh stepmother, so please be nice to me and don’t judge on the spot, this is coming from love and I want a home that everyone can enjoy staying in.
That being said, this has been a house with a busy dad and two girls 11 and 13. So it’s not very structured. The best advice I’ve gotten so far is to not have specific rules on every behavior but use five pillars that can be used and referred to in most situations and make them the house rules.
If you're considering corporal punishment in any way shape or form, you ought to acquaint yourself with the research on the topic. TLDR: it's a bad idea.
World Health Org, among others, has studied corporal punishment extensively.
* Evidence shows corporal punishment increases children’s behavioural problems over time and has no positive outcomes.
* All corporal punishment, however mild or light, carries an inbuilt risk of escalation. Studies suggest that parents who used corporal punishment are at heightened risk of perpetrating severe maltreatment.
* Corporal punishment is linked to a range of negative outcomes for children across countries and cultures, including physical and mental ill-health, impaired cognitive and socio-emotional development, poor educational outcomes, increased aggression and perpetration of violence.
MORE HARM THAN GOOD: A SUMMARY OF SCIENTIFIC RESEARCH ON THE INTENDED AND UNINTENDED EFFECTS OF CORPORAL PUNISHMENT ON CHILDREN
https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC8386132/
Also see American Academy of Pediatrics:
Aversive disciplinary strategies, including all forms of corporal punishment and yelling at or shaming children, are minimally effective in the short-term and not effective in the long-term. With new evidence, researchers link corporal punishment to an increased risk of negative behavioral, cognitive, psychosocial, and emotional outcomes for children.
Full disclosure: I was spanked as a child; my wife was not. My mother-in-law convinced me to avoid anything like spanking. I found it much harder to avoid spanking than I expected, but I'm very very glad I did. We now have two fullgrown boys on their own and contributing to their communities.
@ElwoodBlues you nailed so much on the head. Esp the 'perpetuation' part.
Sometimes they bring it school. Those that repress it make it become genrational and do it to their kids.
Some bury it so deep, and if its the only touch they get from their parents, it can get attached to the reward part of their brain and become a kink.
The earlier crap happens to you, the deeper the damamge sits... ....and the harder it is to let go.
It was hard for me too. I remember once i snapped. I was gonna give my daughter what for.....my partner came in a stopped me.
Thank heavens.
Its not the solution people think it is. Its the equivalent of shoving everything under the bed to tidy up - it doesnt 'deal' with the reasons or problems - it just makes them hide deeper.
