After having some issues with discipline and how to handle things around the house, I’ve asked people for some advice and suggestions. I don’t have kids of my own, I’m a pretty fresh stepmother, so please be nice to me and don’t judge on the spot, this is coming from love and I want a home that everyone can enjoy staying in.
That being said, this has been a house with a busy dad and two girls 11 and 13. So it’s not very structured. The best advice I’ve gotten so far is to not have specific rules on every behavior but use five pillars that can be used and referred to in most situations and make them the house rules.
Good lawd this sounds like a toxic training program for dogs!
Sorry .... but it really does😂
Yeah - i consider that have lots of experience, a mum of two, and i work with teenagers. Ive studied child psychology and learnt that every child is different and each has their own psychological needs.
Sometimes blanket rules don't work....sometimes they do.🤷♀... but dont magically expect blanket rules to just 'work'.
If you want respect, and for them to take your advice, you earn it.
Its that simple.
They aren't little kids. they are young adults in training.
Learn who they each are. Show interest.
Model for them how to be a good adult. Debate, reason, learn to bargain with them. Give them the opportunitues to practice and learn these traits, and teach them why.
Use fuck ups as learning experiences....for you all. - sometime kids act up coz they need to let off steam over something else. Sometimes they do it coz they deeply need attention. Work out the deeper whys when something goes wrong - it could be a call for help about something else in their life.
Sometimes inflicting a punishment when its a call for help will only alienate you, foster feelings of hate and injustice in them.
If you guide them with Honesty Respect Responsibility and Consistency, (all the traits you expect) - and model the correct behaivour, you'll get the the compliance or 'obedience' as you phrase it.
And Reward and acknowledge the good - ie: positive reinforcement.
And keep your cool. If you want to be who they look up to, you need to be the one they feel safe with.
These are young minds, growing souls - they need guidance.
NOT an army camp.
Also: 'MOS situations' is a military term used for soldiers in speciality training.
@HelenJohnson Well no, not really. All that is, is a form of bullying in itself. It's tyranical. You cant treat bullying, with bullying....you end up being a hypocrite and losing their respect.
Remember - you're the adult here. Youre the one who is supposed to have it all worked out. Resorting to violence within a family unit is psychologically damaging.
A family is a microcosm of society. Ergo, you model civil and social based rules to adequately prepare them for adult life.
Using 'discipline' only reinforces a bullying attitude🤷♀
We see this at school...kids who are 'taught from fear'. They end up enacting it on their peers. They see it modeled at home and feel helpless, and therefore end up the agressors to gain some sense of power back.
