Certainly not good enough for my mother
No matter how i try to help my mother understand my various disabilities and how they make life, and taking care of myself and my home , extremely hard. She inevitably returns to the same response of critiques and excuses for why she can’t help me (even though I never ask her for help).
My brother and my son, get all the patience and understanding in the world but I get judgment and criticism.
Her latest attack is that I’m too fat, I eat too much takeaway, I don’t exercise, and my problems are all my fault and I don’t have a right to complain.
My husband has said for years I should stop talking to her but I always have talked to her, she’s raised me with heart to hearts and long conversations and “you can always talk to me”’s
…it’s a long trained in habit…
thought on mind—>talk to mum
She is one of those people who, even if you’re literally her daughter and you’re way way beyond “small talk”, she will always ask how you are but NEVER actually want to know.
With her “how are you?” Is like a trap. It’s her way of saying, ‘either you are 100% today or I’ll be coming at you later for what a shame you are to me…’
She hobbles around with osteoarthritis in her knees and feet, so bad that if you touch her she winces, and she visibly looks deformed in those areas because of the bones being so messed up…but she won’t sit in a wheelchair. Why?
Because she sees things like that as a weakness and she sees weakness as shameful.
The only time she’s ever accepted that people need to slow down and be cared for is when her parents were dying.
So I guess we are allowed to die but if we’re not on our death bed then we need to buck up.
Being undiagnosed autistic and adhd for 37 years and suffering whole bunch of conditions in childhood and then more in adulthood, she somehow has no appreciation STILL for why I struggle. I get no compassion from her ever and I am totally totally sick of it.
My brother and my son, get all the patience and understanding in the world but I get judgment and criticism.
Her latest attack is that I’m too fat, I eat too much takeaway, I don’t exercise, and my problems are all my fault and I don’t have a right to complain.
My husband has said for years I should stop talking to her but I always have talked to her, she’s raised me with heart to hearts and long conversations and “you can always talk to me”’s
…it’s a long trained in habit…
thought on mind—>talk to mum
She is one of those people who, even if you’re literally her daughter and you’re way way beyond “small talk”, she will always ask how you are but NEVER actually want to know.
With her “how are you?” Is like a trap. It’s her way of saying, ‘either you are 100% today or I’ll be coming at you later for what a shame you are to me…’
She hobbles around with osteoarthritis in her knees and feet, so bad that if you touch her she winces, and she visibly looks deformed in those areas because of the bones being so messed up…but she won’t sit in a wheelchair. Why?
Because she sees things like that as a weakness and she sees weakness as shameful.
The only time she’s ever accepted that people need to slow down and be cared for is when her parents were dying.
So I guess we are allowed to die but if we’re not on our death bed then we need to buck up.
Being undiagnosed autistic and adhd for 37 years and suffering whole bunch of conditions in childhood and then more in adulthood, she somehow has no appreciation STILL for why I struggle. I get no compassion from her ever and I am totally totally sick of it.
