Preparing for the call

I'll be visiting my dad in hospice again tomorrow, but any day we could get a call he passed 🙁 I can sit here and I've been venting often about my sadness of this mean awful disease (cancer). And I'm ok, for the most part. But Very sad, helpless.
When I hear he's passed I fear that panic will overtake me. That I'll get heart palpitations. I have an anxiety disorder. Wish I could feel even a bit more reassured that I'll get through 😞