Preparing for the call

I'll be visiting my dad in hospice again tomorrow, but any day we could get a call he passed 🙁 I can sit here and I've been venting often about my sadness of this mean awful disease (cancer). And I'm ok, for the most part. But Very sad, helpless.
When I hear he's passed I fear that panic will overtake me. That I'll get heart palpitations. I have an anxiety disorder. Wish I could feel even a bit more reassured that I'll get through 😞

This page is a permanent link to the reply below and its nested replies. See all post replies »

ScreamingFox · 41-45, F Best Comment

When my parents were suffering and dying, I wished for their peace. I thought of how it must feel for them and just wanted it to end.

You will miss him dearly, but it helped me to think of them being free. It still helps me years later, to imagine their joy as they slip into what's next.

Allow yourself to feel what you feel. The worst thing you can do is deny yourself your grief. If you get palpitations please call for help, speak to your counselor or find someone who specializes in grief. This will be hard, but I promise you will be okay. And you will find ways to heal by how you carry on in his memory and honor.

I promise it gets better.

Coralmist · 41-45, F

@ScreamingFox I really appreciate that. I just wanted him to have SOME treatment...and they said it would highly kill him to do so , Bec this Lymphoma is so aggressive in itself. . So I've felt such a helplessness, and an injustice to him that he didn't get treatment and to get that five years survival rate many get.
Luckily I know palpitations are harmless when caused by anxiety for the most part, that might lessen the fear I have of getting them. And yes, I can carry his memory and he's always a part of me. Thank you again Fox🌹

ScreamingFox · 41-45, F

@Coralmist it will take time to settle with all the feelings.

I know this is a weird thing to say, but I truly believe in time, what you've gone through will help you 🖤