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Venting... Just trying

I finally got my medical insurance and social security gave me a date next month so i can get

interviewed. I am praying things will get easier, i dont even want child support because i dont want

my sons dad in his life. I have a daughter from another relationship and i have joint custody with

her dad but since i got in extremely bad situation i let her live with her dad and he was spiteful to

never let her come back. I am not mad because i still see her weekly and we have a great

relationship. I dont ever speak about her dad because he was evil and he waited for a vulnerable

moment to take me to court and try to get sole custody , it never happened. Nowadays he got his

karma and i will leave it at that because the thought of him disgusts me.. yeah so i have 2 evil

dads . In these years i have learned a lot and what i don't want. I sure don't want another

relationship, i want to fix myself. I feel like i never deserved this but i did. When i think about how i

grew up , i get a bit bothered and angry, I wish i was just swallowed. My birth mother gave me up

and i went into a family that made sure i knew i didn't belong. It was a bit tough, i suffered with

mental issues. I couldn't understand anything going on and i couldn't finish school. I got left back in

second grade and again in seventh grade. I'm 31 now , i was proud when i got a certification

because i actually was able to finish something. Especially being alone with no family, I eventually

found my real one and they showed me i was just another passerby. My mom is not okay she is a

recovering addict and my sisters and brothers suffer from mental illnesses as well so we don't

speak .. the system has hurt them so i get it . I am not mad but at the fact that i should've been

swallowed. I would've been okay not knowing this world or any . I died 2 times in this life, maybe

more from being constantly let down. I barely made it out alive from this whatever you want to call

it .. situation with my sons dad. It was like i met ted Bundy in the flesh but i just made it out alive

from playing "the game" Stockholm syndrome ... Forgive me because i am still learning what the

hell i went through . I am still healing ... thank you for everyone who just takes the time to read

what i write. I have so much to say and i tend to rant off from not having anyone to talk to. Thank

you for giving me a space to be heard and understood
Top | New | Old
Gusman · 61-69, M
Thank you for sharing.
The further you get into this thing called living, the easier it will become.
Hang in there and give yourself credit for all your achievements.
moonpeace81 · 31-35, F
@Gusman trying... lol thank you really
O M G

You must be very strong to be here.

I cannot imagine all the pain, anguish, etc., behind thise words...
SpectralMourning · 41-45, M
Hoping it will all work out the way you want and need it to.
moonpeace81 · 31-35, F
@SpectralMourning Thank you
lilylovesgaming1986 · 36-40, F
U really should put some space after a few lines to make it easier to read
moonpeace81 · 31-35, F
@SpectralMourning thank you , i try anyways because so many people may be reading it..
lilylovesgaming1986 · 36-40, F
@moonpeace81 me I just like to write like 5 or 6 lines and add a space. I write another 5 or 6 lines and add another space. I guess it just makes it a little easier on everyone. But with your post it sounds like u had a rough childhood for sure.

I grew up with parent's that didn't want me. I can remember a time or two when my mom told me she wish she had swallowed me then let my father nut in her. I just found out I am pregnant and I want my child to have love not a bad childhood.
moonpeace81 · 31-35, F
@lilylovesgaming1986 its easy on the eyes , oh im sorry about your mom and im glad you are here showing your kids love.. thats exactly what im trying to do despite my life
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