I talked to my son today

@Strictsir I’m sure it’s more of the fact that some people take advantage of the kindness of others. If people try to do their part, then maybe grace is offered. But to jump to the conclusion that she’s at fault here is off base.

Where do you stay? With the parents or on your own?

@BillyMack I think it is funny that his name is strict

@Miram I didn’t even catch that. Oh man. 😳

@BillyMack StrictButProFreeRent

@Strictsir It is interesting that you made a few assumptions about me but didn't really ask questions other than why I want to kick him out.

While I owe you absolutely no explanations, especially since you assumed I was an uncaring mother, let me give you some.

My son moved in with me in 2022. His girlfriend moved in about 6 months later.

My son is, in fact, depressed and I am aware of that. I'm also aware the only therapy he is doing is smoking weed because his current job doesn't offer healthcare. How is that going? Not well, if you must know. The money he could be saving is being spent on what he thinks is healthcare.

Did you know that if you haven't gotten any skills that allow you to favorably market yourself in the job market by the time you are 30, you significantly reduce the number of jobs you can get? He is 27. He has 3 years to get himself some marketable skills. So far, he has worked at a mini mart, a couple restaurants, a sales job, a construction job, a warehouse job and a few other retail jobs. These are not marketable skills for the jobs he wants. He also hasn't gone to school like he said he was going to so he could get marketable skills. I send him job postings that I am fairly confident he can do. Does he apply? He says he does. I trust him. The job market is crap right now and exceptionally harder when you are 27 and have not spent any time devoted to increasing your skill set. I can only do so much. I have even gotten him jobs that he hasn't kept, despite being okay with them.

As for "badgering" him, this was the first time in 2 years I have asked about the plan he laid out to me about his moving out. This is also the second time in about a year I have told him how I feel about his lack of upkeep on the house, or at least the parts he resides in. He and his girlfriend literally have the run of the house. I tend to stay in my bedroom and use the kitchen when I need to. They have the two upstairs bedrooms, the living room, the covered deck, the guest bathroom and the kitchen. One doesn't pay rent for all that and the other pays $100 a month, up until recently.

Does that seem like badgering to you?

I have never complained about how he keeps his two rooms upstairs. But I will say, it affects other parts of the house, like the kitchen and the living room and my bedroom because it attracts mice, cockroaches and other vermin that I really don't want to live with. So, yes, he can keep his rooms a landfill, but it is at the expense of my living areas. How is that fair to me when it does impact my life?

You seem pretty entitled. I hope you have thanked your parents that they allow you to live with them despite your beliefs you deserve to be a drain on their resoirces.

@FoxyQueen My parents threw me out as soon as I turned 18, despite the fact that I suffered from frequent panic attacks at the time. I didn't even know that they were panic attacks, I thought something was wrong with my heart. I was never able to have a personal conversation with my parents, not once in my life, they only accepted small talk with me. That is all to say, I would have been immensely grateful to have had a mother even half as good as you are to your son. You are going above and beyond for your son, and I really hope that he manages to get his life on track. I think he needs to understand that it is his own life which his actions (or inaction) affect in the end of the day.

@Nightwings I'm so sorry you dealt with that. That truly wasn't fair or kind to you. I have always told my kids that my home is open to them to heal from whatever they need to heal from. That is the least I can do.

But I do hope he gets his life under control soon. I worry greatly about him.

@Nightwings I left at age 13. Won't get into all the details but because of my past and the life I had after, I wanted my little siblings under my guardianship to live under one roof and protect one another until they are ready to move out, even when I am not there. I am so very protective.

Two moved to different countries now. It was difficult for me to accept it. And two are still home. We will probably always be close no matter how far we are from each other.

I understand having no one and I too think she is doing well by motivating him to grow.

Personally I prefer my culture, one home. But I also know it is not something that works for everyone and I won't be alive forever. As a parent I want to watch them becoming independent. I want them to not need me even though I am dependent on them needing me.

I am sorry your parents didn't do their best..and probably did their worst instead. It is cruel to bring little humans into this world and then invalidate and take away their power every day a little more until they lose their peace. I wish kids were safer.