My dad is still alive. I tried to have a similiar sitdown with him. It was 20 years ago next month. Maybe i was having my midlife crisis? ..or finally becoming who i was supposed to be had i not been derailed by his way of doing things.
I wasn't scared of him anymore but by habit , i was always nervous around him. I never knew my grandpa but my boys knew theirs and i realized i had made it and dont have to worry about anything from him anymore. ..no more sanctions, no more ass whoopin's, humiliations, no more of his pouting. ..and i didn't want my boys seeing me being all nervous when my dad would pop by.
I made it quick at first, just telling him i was tired of hiding a lot of my personality from him and it was time for him to pay up for all the Neverending home repairs like he always promised when i was giving him any amount of time hed ask for any reason. I'm an excellent Carpenter and woodworker and I'm a journeyman commercial plumber. He was a longshoreman. But he is meticulous and a fair Craftsman himself I must admit.
I tried to make this quick but there's so many little twists and turns I feel like I have to explain. One of the issues I have with my boys is that one of them was born helplessly disabled, and my wife and I had her hands full with just keeping him alive his first 5 years, which was when my dad retired. My stepmom didn't work either so my plan was to let them commute into my house while I'm at work they can take care of my son and he can go to work on some of the projects I had in mind for my house that I had just bought a couple years prior. And mostly because he'd always get that look of disapproval every time you come by in my lawn wasn't mowed or the carpet didn't have vacuum lines on it like my stepmom likes in their house. I felt that if they had so much opinion about the way I live, they could help me live that way if it's so important to them, and in doing so, they can have a relationship with their grandkids which was it perspective that neither my father or I was able to have before that point. And I'm not talking everyday. just a break because it's so hard to get daycare for a helplessly disabled toddler. I know if it was the other way around, he would have expected help from me and my wife. Because "we're family." ..and " that's what families do for each other." ..and, "one day you'll have a family /home/boat/whatever of your own and you'll need help with it and I'll be here to help you."
So I asked him and his reply to me was he's embarrassed for my neighbors to see him because he's ashamed of the way I don't know my lawn or wash my cars. I live in a secluded neighborhood so I don't have to worry about that kind of shit. That's what I told him and I tell them that he's always worried about Outsiders more than his own family and that's what his problem is and he needs to go home and think about that and he's grounded. LOL.
I dare so went by and then he tried calling me a few times for a few days and I just kept ignoring him and then, SWAT. Yes. He called SWAT on my ass and told them that I am a disgruntled combat veteran, off my meds who's been stockpiling firearms and he's worried about my family. They shut my whole block down and surrounded my house like it was some kind of hostage situation. He succeeded in making me feel embarrassed around my neighbors, which I didn't before. I had a great relationship with all my neighbors. They all got free Plumbing from me and free moving services when they got new refrigerators and hot tubs and whatever else . I'm in the Hills so somebody's driveways don't have a very good approach to the street and a lot of times the neighbors cars will get high centered and I'm always there to pop them off with my big monster Tanker Bar , no problem. I'm that guy with all the tools and all the skills and plans was able to help them with . My neighbors loved me and I don't mind helping like that.
I'm not exaggerating when I say he could have got me and my dogs killed that night. I'm surprised my dogs didn't get shot. But I was able to diffuse the situation pretty quick but I had to let the cops in my house and be inspected like I'm still in the fucking Army and living right. They said they didn't need a warrant because the safety of my family was the issue and they couldn't leave without checking on them. So I let the ncoic and his Hatchet Man accompany me into my house as they went room to room to make sure there were no bodies and I'm assuming looking for stockpiles of arms, which I have a fair amount but not a stockpile and most of them we're inherited from my uncle come in with my dad who decided I should be the one who gets them all. .. and yes I was off my meds. I still am. Fuck those zombie makers. It's okay to be sad about sad shit. it's okay to be mad about fucked up shit. It's not okay to participate in fucked up shit and expect a pill to make it all better.
Anyway I guess that's enough therapy for now. Sorry for bleeding out all over you like that. But this is one of my stories that all comes out in one chunk and I never get the whole thing out.
I spoke of my neighbors in past tense because they all either lost their houses during the financial meltdown or they've passed on by now. And I haven't talked to my father since that night . oh yeah I forgot. The ncoic of the SWAT guys was actually a really cool dude and he understood everything that I was going through because he was going through the same thing with his parents so after they inspected my house he asked me if there's anything I wanted him to tell my parents and I thought well it was weird that you have a relationship with my parents they live in a whole different County and he said they were outside, safe distance away, watching the whole thing. To which I told the cop, yeah, ask them what they're doing out this late on a school night. When they're supposed to be grounded. He laughed and said that I was going to have to tell them myself. Maybe I will one day but I haven't talked to them since. Nor have they tried to get a hold of me either so I think that's their way of saying they don't accept their position I have for them in my life, which is fine. The only thing that makes me feel bad is that I don't feel bad and I think one day I'm going to. And like you, I take great pleasure in knowing that my kids who are men now themselves have no idea what it feels like to be beaten by a grown man. I've never even had to spank them. I've never laid one hand on them or my wife or any child or woman for that matter in anger and frankly, I never understood why it was so difficult for him and for his father and so on to break that chain. They had to remember how shitty it felt for the man who's supposed to be your protector from such ass kickings actually being the one who's responsible for all of them
