days before my mom suddenly died, i heard this song for the first time. every line made me think of her. i kept thinking to text her

crying out a desperate song
before she moves along.
she screams, "tonight, i want to be like you"
dancing in the light to forget the abuse.
lost in the crowd, no one will ever know,
the girl in blue is all alone
she's all alone
she's all alone

i didn't text or call her. i didn't even stop upstairs to check on her when i stopped by her house the night before i left on my trip. even though i kept thinking to. i watched a show while the wash ran where the characters mom died of an od. i kept thinking to check on my mom. she went to bed already which was kind of weird. i kept thinking to go upstairs to see her and i didn't. she was all alone and died possibly of liver cirrhosis the day after i came home. i kept thinking to text her but said no i'll see her soon. i will never forgive myself. no word can describe how I feel of myself. she deserved so much more kindness than she got. i've always been a monster