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Yesterday my mother got angry at me and....

she said my future partner/bf will leave me... 😔

I think she might knew i was worried, had trust issues with men...

How can she say such emotionally hurtful thing... knowingly...

Those words still cut ....

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DrWatson · 70-79, M

That is terrible.

I have come to the conclusion that some mothers, on some level, feel as if they are in competition with their daughters.

I don't mean competing "over a man", but rather some weird competition about who gets to have more self esteem. For example, my wife went through adolescence hearing her mother repeatedly making negative comments about bust size. " I had a lot more by the time I was your age...."

smiler2012 · 61-69

@sahi81 😞sorry but your mum should be ashamed of herself though these where words said in anger they where cruel and unnecessary

sahi81 · 22-25, F

@smiler2012 excatly very unneccsary and discouraging ...

ABCDEF7 · M

She knows you better than most people in this world. You must ask her why do she feel so. The can be something that you are ignoring or need to work on.

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ABCDEF7 · M

@sahi81 If they are not starting the fruitful discussion, you should try to make it good & beneficial communication for you, after all when the communication is about you.

sahi81 · 22-25, F

@ABCDEF7 i don't think she might understand even if i do

ABCDEF7 · M

@sahi81 Maybe, but you should give it a try.

Sylphrena · 31-35

Hey, so, I know it's hard because she's your mom but please don't let this affect your self esteem. I'm sorry she said that to you. That's such a hurtful thing to hear, even worse from someone you love. Do your best to surround yourself with people who lift you up instead of putting you down.

uikakarotuevegeta · 26-30

My parents have told me exponentially worse stuff like if I can go back in time, I'd have you aborted or if you were to say/do XYZ in public, ABC will happen to you

sahi81 · 22-25, F

@uikakarotuevegeta are they good or bad? U still talk to them?

uikakarotuevegeta · 26-30

@sahi81 i sadly still live with them because of the coronavirus from 2020

This message was deleted by its author.

bijouxbroussard · F

Sadly, this may explain the dynamic you’ve described between yourself and the men you encounter. If your confidence is being undermined at home, that tends to affect other relationships. 🙁

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DrWatson · 70-79, M

@sahi81 Does this reflect her own experience with men?

sahi81 · 22-25, F

@DrWatson she says negatives about women too! Says bad more in this world, than good. That women being bad, people being bad, men being bad, society being bad, etc. I think such mindset will only lead to distrust and isolation.

I mean when i am already scared of men and afraid they might abuse or leave me due to past, how can she make me feel more hopeless about men...

It's like she wants me to not feel happy or positive about dating men.

bijouxbroussard · F

@sahi81 That’s definitely how it sounds, unfortunately. And whether or not this is because she’s had negative experiences, it poisons your attitudes going into relationships and becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy for you. If you’ve been pre-conditioned to see interactions between men and women as negative, that is more likely to be what you find. 🥺

Heavenlywarrior · 36-40, M

That’s tough..hope you can find strength to prove her wrong and do better for your self.

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Heavenlywarrior · 36-40, M

[@sahi81 @sahi81 only u know ur moms reasons for saying that… but regardless …

If you don’t want that happening to you.. use those words as fuel to your success.
Make it the reason why you become the best version of yourself and a good wife to someone who doesn’t want to leave you.

And don’t despise her just help her see the best version of you that she can’t see rn.

sahi81 · 22-25, F

@Heavenlywarrior idk her reasons... And no matter what the reason, how can she say such hurtful things.... Don't i deserve a partner who stays with me when I fall down....

Heavenlywarrior · 36-40, M

@sahi81 yeah you do deserve a partner who stays with you and picks you up when you fall.

Just keep in mind that just like your mom, who said hurtful things, your future partner is also a human who is capable of saying hurtful things.

We all fall short and into our emotions and ego at times.

Don’t let it consume you , find your inner joy and lift yourself up.

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RedBaron · M

@sahi81 And someday she’ll be gone, and all you’ll have is memories like these.

sahi81 · 22-25, F

@RedBaronshe is supportive towards ( financially, physically, for education,etc)...but she is emotionally unavailable and over-critical type... So not all bad...

Her father ( my grandpa) also seem same ( over-critical and very hurtful when sad/angry/frustrated)...

sahi81 · 22-25, F

@RedBaron yes i have less to no emotionally happy memories with my mother.

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