It's ranty, but I gotta get it off my chest.
My father left when I was very little. In fact, the earliest thing I can just barely remember is him putting his stuff in the car and driving away. I didn't see him again until I was 11. Older sister was driving me somewhere, and suddenly said she needed a drink before pulling into a gas station. She told me as we were going in that I could pick out a candy bar and she'd buy it for me. I'm looking at the candy section, and she's talking to the guy behind the counter. I choose my candy bar and walk up. She said "Do you know who this is?", gesturing to the guy. I look at the guy, older dude, slightly pudgy, but athletic, with a moustache. "No." Which got a big laugh.
"This is Dad." So many questions raced through my mind, all at once. "Where the hell have you been?" "Why does she know where to find you and I didn't?" "Why haven't I seen you?" But probably the loudest one was "What the hell was so funny about me not knowing who you were?" It wasn't funny to me, not even chuckle worthy. But, of course, all those questions stayed in mind, and the only thing I could think to say was...."Okay."
He was around , a lot, for about two weeks. Enough it seemed like they might be getting back together. Might have been dumb of little me to think that, or want that, but after the years with stepdad #1, it might've been good, who knows? Sis seemed happier for sure. But, it wasn't to be. We were seeing him from time to time, Christmas, her birthday, the occasional thanksgiving, heck, he even came to one of my baseball games.
A bit less as I got older. Sis turned 18 and moved out of the house, for a few years, before moving in with him. A bit less did I see him after that. Eventually, I moved out on my own. We lived about 30 miles away, and I didn't have a car. But, I'd still see him at Christmas. About a year after moving out, I was grocery shopping. I go to checkout and there he was, working as a cashier, in my town. Turns out he'd been doing it for about 6 months. Nobody told me. I told him to swing by sometime after work and we could hang out. He never did. I started using that grocery store exclusively on the off chance he'd be there and I could at least say hi.
Time went on, as it does. We grew farther and farther apart. By the time I was 30, i'd stopped trying altogether. What was the point? He sure wasn't putting forth an effort, and we couldn't ever seem to find any common ground. Our personalities were complete opposite, our interests were diametrically opposed to each other. He was your stereotypical jock, and I was a nerd. He probably would've bullied me if we had gone to high school together.
He died a few years back. I hadn't seen him in over a decade. I got a halfass phonecall the night before he passed. It was nothing but awkward. At his funeral, my brother in law delivered the eulogy. I sat there, comforting my sister, as told story after story about the man who was my father, and with each passing one, I realized the man was nothing but a stranger to me.
Then, he told one that really hit me hard, about how much he loved Halloween. The atmosphere, the fun, the costumes, how he would decorate his yard elaborately, hide in some bushes and wait for trick or treaters so he could jump out and scare them, and how much he'd laugh when they screamed. Holy hell! We DID have some common ground. Knowing how much everybody in my family knows how much I'm the exact same way, why was I only finding out about this NOW? It might not have been much, really, but it would've been something!
Why did my brother in law know this, and by extension, my sister, and not me? Why was I never invited to the tiny little yard haunt? Why did he apparently want a relationship with her, but never me?
"This is Dad." So many questions raced through my mind, all at once. "Where the hell have you been?" "Why does she know where to find you and I didn't?" "Why haven't I seen you?" But probably the loudest one was "What the hell was so funny about me not knowing who you were?" It wasn't funny to me, not even chuckle worthy. But, of course, all those questions stayed in mind, and the only thing I could think to say was...."Okay."
He was around , a lot, for about two weeks. Enough it seemed like they might be getting back together. Might have been dumb of little me to think that, or want that, but after the years with stepdad #1, it might've been good, who knows? Sis seemed happier for sure. But, it wasn't to be. We were seeing him from time to time, Christmas, her birthday, the occasional thanksgiving, heck, he even came to one of my baseball games.
A bit less as I got older. Sis turned 18 and moved out of the house, for a few years, before moving in with him. A bit less did I see him after that. Eventually, I moved out on my own. We lived about 30 miles away, and I didn't have a car. But, I'd still see him at Christmas. About a year after moving out, I was grocery shopping. I go to checkout and there he was, working as a cashier, in my town. Turns out he'd been doing it for about 6 months. Nobody told me. I told him to swing by sometime after work and we could hang out. He never did. I started using that grocery store exclusively on the off chance he'd be there and I could at least say hi.
Time went on, as it does. We grew farther and farther apart. By the time I was 30, i'd stopped trying altogether. What was the point? He sure wasn't putting forth an effort, and we couldn't ever seem to find any common ground. Our personalities were complete opposite, our interests were diametrically opposed to each other. He was your stereotypical jock, and I was a nerd. He probably would've bullied me if we had gone to high school together.
He died a few years back. I hadn't seen him in over a decade. I got a halfass phonecall the night before he passed. It was nothing but awkward. At his funeral, my brother in law delivered the eulogy. I sat there, comforting my sister, as told story after story about the man who was my father, and with each passing one, I realized the man was nothing but a stranger to me.
Then, he told one that really hit me hard, about how much he loved Halloween. The atmosphere, the fun, the costumes, how he would decorate his yard elaborately, hide in some bushes and wait for trick or treaters so he could jump out and scare them, and how much he'd laugh when they screamed. Holy hell! We DID have some common ground. Knowing how much everybody in my family knows how much I'm the exact same way, why was I only finding out about this NOW? It might not have been much, really, but it would've been something!
Why did my brother in law know this, and by extension, my sister, and not me? Why was I never invited to the tiny little yard haunt? Why did he apparently want a relationship with her, but never me?
