Is it the child's responsibility to look after their parents?

In the last year or 2 I've stopped inviting my mum round for dinner, or to come round. Because in the years gone by she would always complain.
We live about 15 mins away from each other walking.

My mum rarely did a proper food shop so going to hers I couldn't ever go to her cupboards and grab things I would have to wait until I got home. Because she rarely does the washing up cooking tales an hour or 2 longer as you have to wash up and clean up before you can even start.

She used to blame spending time at mine as the reason for not maintaining her home.

She has mentioned wanting to paint her wall which she has been saying now for the last 4 years!

She talked about doing it again yesterday, but then she went to the hairdresser.

It's after 12 and I've not heard from her. But I'm more than 100% sure that if I call her she'll be in bed and then make a joke about doing the painting of I mention it..

It's a regular thing with her. And unfortunately, whenever I meet someone new I fear they will see me as being cold for not wanting to get involved in my mother's affairs since she can't be bothered to do them for herself.

He lack off effort and inability to get up and go also hinders my life in a lot of ways. But since having Bruno I've decided to not let her crap become mine. I'm 32 and cut a lot of people out my life and I believe this is my time...

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Oster1 · M

Absolutely not, but to do so, brings everlasting rewards. I have watched you over the years and you have undeniably, gave it your best, even through setbacks and suffering hurt.

I believe the key to happiness and conscience, is through setting a balance and boundaries. I see that you are setting limits now to protect your emotions and feelings.

Regular phone calls may be the first step in reconciliation and staying in the loop.

Another important point is, her world is upside down, too.
She misses and lost your father, as well.

I know how giving and loving. that you are and how you are affected. 😊🤗❤️🌺

Mindful · 56-60, F

It is your time. Maybe she should see a doctor….

Mellowgirl · 31-35, F

@Mindful she refuses to

Mindful · 56-60, F

@Mellowgirl so she doesn’t think she is depressed? Maybe set conditions on her… if she doesn’t go then…

bijouxbroussard · F

No, it isn’t. And with respect to your mom, a good parent wouldn’t try to guilt their child into doing that. Most parents would rather not become a burden to their children. 🥺

Often, the relationship is such that a child who can do for their parent wants to. I always offered my parents, and now my father, any help I could provide. But they never made me feel obligated to do so.

In terms of what a new partner might think, anyone who would judge you, without knowing the history of your relationship with your mother, is the wrong person.

SW-User

Don't worry about her issues. Do your own best.

Mellowgirl · 31-35, F

@SW-User I'm trying to avoid too much contact.

WhateverWorks · 36-40

I’m not of a culture that kinda ‘unconditionally expects’ a child to care for their parent into old age, but as a general personal belief, yeah. I believe that if you’re a ‘not lousy’ parent lol it’s a good balance for you to do right by your kiddo then they look out for you later. As for my family, I think.. they always knew that they sucked lol, so they put most of their energy into self-sufficiency.

Thevy29 · 41-45, M

That whole "I brought you into this world so you have to look after me" bullshit gets abused every now and then by a real shitheel of a mother... Your need to look after yourself or you wont have a life.

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