my dad made me feel guilty

my parents are divorced and I stay with my mom. I usually go see my dad for holidays but last Christmas something happened on his side and my mom wasn't comfortable with me seeing him this time. My dad said he understands why I didn't come and even though he's sad he's not upset with my decision. Every time I talked to him he makes me feel bad and guilty for not seeing him. He makes me seem like I'm the bad person for leaving him alone on Christmas. And I do feel bad because he doesn't have anyone to spend time with him. But what he did brought up a concern for my safety so even if I wanted to go i still wouldn't have. I know I'm the only thing that makes him happy, so his inability to see me even if it would've only been for a week really hurt him. every time I talk to him he sounds so depressed, it breaks my heart to hear. I feel guilty. I feel like I should've gone to see him regardless of my concerns for my safety cause he would've at least been happy. its the least i can do for him.

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Diotrephes · 70-79, M

@benry2595
Based on real-life events, situations such as you describe are very dangerous for the children because one of the parents can flip out and kill the kids. That can make everyone paranoid because you don't know who to trust. Mothers kill their kids everyday and fathers will too when going through custody battles.

It may be best if your father simply forgets that you exist for now and stop trying to have a relationship with you. That will take the pressure off of his anger issues and calm your mother. Then, at some time in the future when you are fully grown you can reach out to your father and establish a sound relationship free from the drama that you are now experiencing.

If you love him and if he loves you, gently bring up the subject and see how he reacts. He may be willing to step aside for a few years. But never, ever, get in an argument with him or with your mother about this issue. And remember, how this issue is handled will affect how you handle conflicts with your future spouse and children.

Good luck.

reflectingmonkey · 51-55, M

sorry to hear that, I would like to have an opinion but the reference to something creating a concern for your safety is so vague that depending on the specifics it could make the difference between thinking you should have gone and thinking you did the right thing. guilt trips are toxic for a relationship. the one doing the blaming should instead express their feeling and be heard with compassion by the receiver of the blames and a person feeling guilty should instead do specific actions to repare the damage they did.

dominateofyou · 61-69, M

Maybe you should ask him why mom didn't want you to see him or ask her to be honest about why.

oogirl · 16-17, F

What happend that made you think you are not safe there? Is he safe there?

Atheist1993 · 18-21, M

soory to heaer

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