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Grandma and Grandpa want 17 month old to sleep in their bed during sleepover..? Baby has never slept away.

Guys.. my husbands parents are so sweet. They are the best in laws ever and I want them to spend time with their grandkids. We don’t have any other family who can help us. our son has asthma and also very severe separation anxiety and his parents are in their early 70s also not really very strong and capable (his mom sometimes has to use a wheelchair when in places). They’re both well over 250-300 lbs each… anyway they really want this night where all the grandkids sleep over. And I understand because they are both in poor health and we don’t know how much longer they’ll be with us. This would be very special for them and they’ve been talking about it for a while. I agreed to the sleepover only because I just I want them to spend time with the kids and they begged.. well our 17 month old still wakes up several times a night and cries if he’s not being cuddled (we co sleep) so grandma asked if it was okay if when he stays there for the sleepover if he cosleeps with them. I’m worried because I know they are hard sleepers, grandpa uses a cpap and they often drink a LOT, they’re both very overweight and I just feel it’s a recipe for disaster but I really don’t want to be the bad guy.. I’m also a bit worried for our sons safety. How should I handled this? Should I just let it play out and hope for the best? Should I say you know I don’t think it’s a good idea and upset everyone? I honestly in my heart feel him sleeping over there he’s going to cry the whole time too and I worry that it will distress him so much. He’s never slept away from us. And I do worry for his safety if he does end up cosleeping with them. I also want to emphasise how much this will break grandma and grandpas heart if I tell them he can’t sleepover. I’m not sure what to do. Maybe my fears are irrational? Help!
Morrigan · F
Given you have a story about your creepy father in law and a whole bunch of other stuff, i would expect most mothers to act protectively and not even entertain such an idea.
Brassm0nk3y · 36-40, F
@Morrigan That’s true! Honestly thanks for the reminder! He is so creepy and had a very creepy incident when he was intoxicated one night. But our 17 month old is a boy. I’m a little less worried about the creepiness there, plus we have a 14 year old nephew who will also be there that night along with 3 other grandkids. I feel that they’ll be more on their toes than anything really and honestly may not be equipped physically to handle the kids but hopefully the creepy was would be less of an issue especially since we have made them promise not to drink.
Diotrephes · 70-79, M
@Brassm0nk3y It is NOT a good idea for a baby to sleep with adults, especially with fat adults. The adult can roll over onto the baby and kill it.

Baby Suffocation Deaths From Co-Sleeping Rise
https://www.webmd.com/baby/news/20180212/baby-suffocation-deaths-from-cosleeping-rise

Unsafe sleep practices present in hundreds of infant deaths in Canada, CBC investigation finds

https://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/safe-sleep-investigation-1.6371261

Here's an alternate opinion =
American parents: Calm the eff down, co-sleeping isn’t always dangerous
https://nypost.com/2020/01/21/american-parents-calm-the-eff-down-you-wont-smother-your-baby/

Suppose the baby did sleep with his grandparents and one rolled over and suffocated the baby. Would you be OK with that?
I don’t think sleeping with a baby on the same bed is safe. So I think you should tell the grandparents if it’s better to refrain from it until they are bigger.

I didn’t sleep with my baby on the same bed for safety reasons too.
So we bought this type of cradle.
it’s safer and you can still watch over your child on the same room.


And for warmth, buy a sleep sack. It’s like a blanket but buttoned on. (Woolino)
robb65 · 56-60, M
I got mixed feelings about this. My youngest was born in the middle of the winter and spent her first 6 months sandwiched between us under a ton of quilts in an unheated bedroom. She survived just fine. I'm sure every time she moved one of us woke up to be sure she was ok. A 17 month old "should be" safe, but I don't know your in laws or how soundly they sleep.

We considered this recently with the neighbors 18 month old, He isn't used to sleeping in unheated rooms and under quilts but he isn't used to sleeping in a bed with anyone either. The concern was whether or not he would be warm enough and whether he would actually sleep if we put him in the bed between us. His safety wasn't even a question. Ultimately he ended up sleeping alone and my wife checked that he was still covered up before she went to bed. At some point he woke up and tapped on the baby monitor to get her attention. Funny that he understood how that worked.
Roadsterrider · 56-60, M
I would set some ground rules. If you are going to go to bed drunk, no co sleeping. It is your child, you need to know your child is safe. When my kids were small, it was a continuous argument with MIL/FIL about what the kids could do, where they would sleep. What activities they could engage in. My kids, my rules, even if they are at a sleepover.
SW-User
No way would I let them sleep with the baby in the bed, think that's just asking for trouble. Maybe he could sleep in a travel cot? At least he'd be safe. Could you not sleep over too or drop him off in the morning?
iamnikki · 31-35, F
You stated you fear for the baby's safety multiple times, and for good reasons.

So don't send the baby to sleepover.
fun4us2b · M
Sleepover should be delayed for another time -

They sell weighted blankets - that might help a little...
iamonfire696 · 41-45, F
I read your post about your FIL touching you inappropriately and then wanting to take your 4 year old daughter to go nap with him.

I would never leave my children with these people. You have provided so many reasons not too. These are all huge red flags. Protect your kids, it’s what you have to do.
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