Why can’t I get over it?

I left the person I loved. I then, two years later, was giving her a kind shoulder when her father was dying from Cancer. I could never wrap myself around if I was trying to help her, I was, was it of sadness, regret, or my love of her father? Life has too many tangos, aspects.

There are a number of cultures that would agree hope can make things worse if the hope isn’t viable.

I think a lot of grieving has to do with the idea or potential that has been lost then even the people who are now gone. A lot of people don’t understand grieving the death of someone is also grieving the death of a dream, or at least those particulars. It’s a lot more complicated to process than simply accepting someone is gone.

I rejected some toxic family. I still find folks to make friends and help. For me, a real friend only comes along about 1 or 2 times a decade at best. Usually, they are acquaintances or work colleagues. My sibs could not ever understand the depth and "no matter what be there for each other" thing. It was odd as my mother had demo'd that frequently.

I am lucky to have married a similar soul. We have had issues, but the big stuff we agreed upon. My parents did not. People are curious. I was wrong in every single prediction about my sibs, for the most part.

I saw the passion-compassion drain from them as they weathered society. Intellectually, they talk of things they seldom seem to feel or express from the heart. Maybe it is just family baggage that interacts with perception and expression.

Sometimes it’s hard to accept that someone you love is gone forever. Hopefully in time it will be easier to accept their absence in your life. Losing both parents at the same time harder to cope with.

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Hope is always applicable because hope will be the last thing you will ever hold on too until your dying days. 😇