Feeling guilty and shitty 😒

I have a really confusing/bad/whatever(?) relationship with my mother. I moved across the country years ago, to go to college but mostly to get away from my family.

Over the years, my mum and I would talk periodically, but now that I'm not giving her money anymore, and we have very different political views, she doesn't contact me, and I don't contact her.

But I am still her daughter and I feel a responsibility to speak with her and care about her, as I know she still did her best to raise me in bad circumstances.

I haven't seen her in over ten years, so it's easy for me to forget about her. Sad as it is to say... Heartless as it seems. And when I do remember her, I just think about having to listen to her political rants and anger (she often ends up making me quite upset, she's very homophobic and intolerant and on and on). She doesn't really listen to what I say and doesn't respect my opinions, she brushes off anything I might relay to her about my own struggles (I stopped bothering to tell her).

Anyway, her birthday is coming up and I am feeling like I should contact her. Maybe I should send a card instead of a phone call? I don't know?

Am I a bad person?

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Temporallube · M

Don’t feel guilty. You are her child. She was here before and cultivated her own existential philosophy before you had a grasp on making one for yourself.

It’s ok for family members to disagree politically, so long as there is an understanding. Since you say there’s little understanding on your mother’s part, you can probably look at it as her just needing to grow more in terms of being empathetic towards you.

People are on a journey of development in my view. And sometimes a child can surpass a parent in certain aspects of that life growth.

Let me say it again. Don’t feel guilty. You can make the choice and respect that she did the fundamentals as a parent, however harsh or nice, and celebrate her through that part.

I say send a card. You sending it is really not for her in my view, but more for yourself. It helps you to face whatever uneasiness you have mentally and become better because of it. Sending a card would add to your growth as a person of dignity and respect. Again,
It’s really more about you, and not her when considering a call or a card.