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Feeling guilty and shitty 😒

I have a really confusing/bad/whatever(?) relationship with my mother. I moved across the country years ago, to go to college but mostly to get away from my family.

Over the years, my mum and I would talk periodically, but now that I'm not giving her money anymore, and we have very different political views, she doesn't contact me, and I don't contact her.

But I am still her daughter and I feel a responsibility to speak with her and care about her, as I know she still did her best to raise me in bad circumstances.

I haven't seen her in over ten years, so it's easy for me to forget about her. Sad as it is to say... Heartless as it seems. And when I do remember her, I just think about having to listen to her political rants and anger (she often ends up making me quite upset, she's very homophobic and intolerant and on and on). She doesn't really listen to what I say and doesn't respect my opinions, she brushes off anything I might relay to her about my own struggles (I stopped bothering to tell her).

Anyway, her birthday is coming up and I am feeling like I should contact her. Maybe I should send a card instead of a phone call? I don't know?

Am I a bad person?
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iamonfire696 · 41-45, F
I am not really sure why society is so set on telling people you have to be in contact with your family because they are family.

You don’t have to keep toxic people in your life. If you want to send a card you should. I think it would be easier than a phone call.

I would have nothing to do with my mother but I have care and control of her finances and medical decisions because she has early on set dementia. The messed up woman that raised me isn’t there anymore.
caccoon · 36-40
@iamonfire696 I'm sorry, that sounds really hard 😣

I also agree, but I don't even know if it's society, affecting me, just my own guilty and recognition that she probably does love me. And I love her too but it's complicated
iamonfire696 · 41-45, F
@caccoon it sucks but it’s life.

I cut my sister out of my life. She’s an alcoholic and I can’t support her in that. Things are always complicated but you have to do what’s right for you.

If contacting her will be good for you then you should but if it’s just guilt and isn’t going to bring any benefit to your life then I wouldn’t honestly.