Family dynamics

@nonsensiclesnail I don’t think my family knows what a real relationship is either and I don’t ever remember feeling affection from them. I’ve stopped trying to repair mine as well which sucks because I don’t feel like I can share my true self with them. It does give me a little relief knowing that I’m doing better than the favorites. That being chosen by my family means that you have to give in to the victim hood mentality, and need to be rescued all the time to receive love. I’ve been excluded for calling out the truth and made to feel wrong because I won’t play into their game.

@Reflective its hard not be be angry at them for this though. For me, the anger is hurt. They have never been there for me. Every horror in my life has been twisted into " well maybe if you were nicer, prettier, skinnier. If they dont like it, its because of something you did" and then I'm also told they will do anything for me. I know, now, parents are just people like the rest of us. My parents had hard lives too, difficult relationships, were never ever their parents "favorites". And the likely moves all the way up the family line. Dysfunction is a killer of all that should be love. so, I try not to be angry. But why didn't they try harder?

@nonsensiclesnail I’m sorry, I understand what you’ve been through too. it’s annoying to be blamed for the things that are going wrong when all you need is for someone to listen. It felt like I was blamed for everything as well, but I saw my siblings being consoled and told that it wasn’t their fault. I don’t think I need anything from my dad anymore but for some reason I’m feeling like I want to own a part of me that I’ve recently accepted because if I tell him this and he passes it on to other family I no longer need to hide it. But I don’t know if I’m ready for everyone to know, and I don’t know how he will tell them about me now dating guys.