I'm going to look for a therapist
Since I got Covid, I've been home self-isolating and have had no choice but to be trapped with my thoughts. 😞
I'm realizing that I have a lot I need to unpack. In the last 5 years, I have lost a best friend because of betrayal (hers, not mine), become engaged, lost my apartment and moved into a new one, lost THAT apartment (neither due to anything I did, btw) and had no choice but to move to Texas with my (now ex) fiance's family. We were stuck in Texas with those whackjobs for 4 years! It was the most defeated time of my life and honestly it traumatized me in ways I am finally ready to admit. I ended the engagement.
I eventually got out of Texas and met someone new, and here I am in Arizona, relatively happy. No relationship is 100% happy, and I'm pretty content with what I have now. But I recently got Covid and a tiny part of me expected my estranged parents to give a sh*t. They haven't so far. No calls from them, no texts, no get well card, no letter, not even a call from my brother (who still talks to me) with a "Mom and Dad say they hope you're feeling better.".
I have always felt like my mom hated me, but having that treatment from my dad as well really stings. I don't know what about me is so horrible and repulsive that they would write me off forever. 💔 I envy people who have great parents. This is why I need therapy again...I have so much of this to unpack and leave behind for good.
Sorry for the incoherent parts- I just rolled out of bed and still have foggy brain.
I'm realizing that I have a lot I need to unpack. In the last 5 years, I have lost a best friend because of betrayal (hers, not mine), become engaged, lost my apartment and moved into a new one, lost THAT apartment (neither due to anything I did, btw) and had no choice but to move to Texas with my (now ex) fiance's family. We were stuck in Texas with those whackjobs for 4 years! It was the most defeated time of my life and honestly it traumatized me in ways I am finally ready to admit. I ended the engagement.
I eventually got out of Texas and met someone new, and here I am in Arizona, relatively happy. No relationship is 100% happy, and I'm pretty content with what I have now. But I recently got Covid and a tiny part of me expected my estranged parents to give a sh*t. They haven't so far. No calls from them, no texts, no get well card, no letter, not even a call from my brother (who still talks to me) with a "Mom and Dad say they hope you're feeling better.".
I have always felt like my mom hated me, but having that treatment from my dad as well really stings. I don't know what about me is so horrible and repulsive that they would write me off forever. 💔 I envy people who have great parents. This is why I need therapy again...I have so much of this to unpack and leave behind for good.
Sorry for the incoherent parts- I just rolled out of bed and still have foggy brain.
41-45, F
