You Had No Right To Do That
My biggest priority this past week was to be by your side, while you processed the loss of your third oldest brother, and the one you were undeniably closest to. I predicted not too long ago, when his health started to truly fade, that it would hit you the hardest. And I was right. I didn't see you cry this much even when we buried my brother not even three years ago.
It was while we were out at a restaurant yesterday, following his burial, when I made it clear that I wanted to pay for everything because I wanted to take care of you and step up, that you had to dress me down in front of your girlfriend and my partner, telling me that you're the "head of the table" until you say otherwise, because that's how it was with your father.
None of that was the problem. The problem is that, during this "heartfelt" speech, you took a passive/aggressive, rather petty swipe at me because you now know that I've been with a much older woman for over two years and therefore, you'll never have grandchildren, which means that this family line ends with me. As you were saying that, and before you shed a tear or two because this was the "hardest thing [you] ever had to say", you looked at my partner and said "...unless there's a secret you're keeping from me."
Was that necessary, oh father of mine? No. You can, in your anger and sorrow, disparage me all you like for my decisions. But she didn't deserve that from you, not after she INSISTED on coming to the wake and funeral for someone she NEVER KNEW, just to show her support for you. You had no right, regardless of why we were all there, to tell her she's the reason your family line ends with me. She may have told me that it didn't bother her, that she's used to it because of her own father, but it doesn't justify your jackass behavior.
The family line ends with me because I said a while back that I WANT it to end with me, because I LOATHE this family. You still have no clue about my autism diagnosis, and I might not ever tell you. Why would I want to possibly pass that on to anyone just to satisfy your need to be a grandfather? Why should I carry on the legacy of a drug addicted ADHD brother, a depressed, emotionally abusive mother and the womanizing piece of Brooklyn shit who undeniably started a domino effect when he cheated on a wife that you KNEW was unstable?
But more than that, there's one true underlying reason why I don't have kids of my own...
That's because I don't owe you shit.
And your actions yesterday afternoon only strengthened my resolve to continue down the path of ending this line. I truly hope you enjoy processing your own mortality in despair, because that's all you have now, Mr. Head Of The Table.
It was while we were out at a restaurant yesterday, following his burial, when I made it clear that I wanted to pay for everything because I wanted to take care of you and step up, that you had to dress me down in front of your girlfriend and my partner, telling me that you're the "head of the table" until you say otherwise, because that's how it was with your father.
None of that was the problem. The problem is that, during this "heartfelt" speech, you took a passive/aggressive, rather petty swipe at me because you now know that I've been with a much older woman for over two years and therefore, you'll never have grandchildren, which means that this family line ends with me. As you were saying that, and before you shed a tear or two because this was the "hardest thing [you] ever had to say", you looked at my partner and said "...unless there's a secret you're keeping from me."
Was that necessary, oh father of mine? No. You can, in your anger and sorrow, disparage me all you like for my decisions. But she didn't deserve that from you, not after she INSISTED on coming to the wake and funeral for someone she NEVER KNEW, just to show her support for you. You had no right, regardless of why we were all there, to tell her she's the reason your family line ends with me. She may have told me that it didn't bother her, that she's used to it because of her own father, but it doesn't justify your jackass behavior.
The family line ends with me because I said a while back that I WANT it to end with me, because I LOATHE this family. You still have no clue about my autism diagnosis, and I might not ever tell you. Why would I want to possibly pass that on to anyone just to satisfy your need to be a grandfather? Why should I carry on the legacy of a drug addicted ADHD brother, a depressed, emotionally abusive mother and the womanizing piece of Brooklyn shit who undeniably started a domino effect when he cheated on a wife that you KNEW was unstable?
But more than that, there's one true underlying reason why I don't have kids of my own...
That's because I don't owe you shit.
And your actions yesterday afternoon only strengthened my resolve to continue down the path of ending this line. I truly hope you enjoy processing your own mortality in despair, because that's all you have now, Mr. Head Of The Table.
