It feels like it just happened yesterday.

It has been two years since my mom passed away. I can still remember begging her to wait for me to come home. But it was too late. She was already gone when I got home. It feels like it just happened yesterday. I always try to call the phone number she had when she was alive. But I know, it isn't working anymore. I am mad and angry at myself for not being able to save her. We just didn't have the money to save her. I didn't know what else I could have done.

Sometimes, I think and wish that one day, I hope I wont wake up anymore. It is also difficult to try to cope and get over my mom's death because I could not talk to anybody about how I feel, as my husband is emotionally unavailable. It hurts so bad. It feels like someone is stabbing my heart all over again and again. 💙😢

#Respect post#

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swirlie · 31-35, F

[c=008099]
I remember when a friend of mine was in her 'end of life journey' and her telling me in all seriousness, that she didn't want me or anyone else in the room when she was ready to part ways with life. After much discussion and failed negotiations to the contrary, what suddenly occurred to me was that one's death can be exceedingly personal to the one who is leaving which had never occurred to me before.

What came out of it was that she did not want me to witness her spirit as it was leaving her physical body, mainly because she knew that she would no longer have control of her body and considered that to be a very un-dignifying experience for me to witness as well as subject her to if I were in her presence when she died.

I have since had several discussions with others who 'almost made it' in the nick of time, but showed up only a few minutes after their loved one had already passed.

I've since come to understand that coincidence has nothing to do with 'not getting there in time', as evidenced to the contrary when a dying person is somehow able to wait until their whole family has gathered around their bedside, only to then pass within minutes of the last one arriving. That too is not a coincidence.

You therefore have to ask yourself that if you begged your mom to wait until you arrived home, was it your own needs that were not met, or was it your mother's own needs that she alone put ahead of her daughter's needs when she decided to leave her lifetime before you got to her side?[/c]

tryingtobeOK · 36-40, F

8 hours prior she passed, she begged me to come home. I was not able to book for ealiest flight as it was a 2 hour flight from where I was. When I booked the flight , I was currently travelling, then when the plane landed, my sister rang , and said my mom has passed already.

She was begging me to come home in the video call. She even said to me, "come home, let's go to the beach". She said that, because when I was a kid, I used to love going to the beach.

@swirlie

swirlie · 31-35, F

@tryingtobeOK
[c=008099]
But now you're changing your story about who begged whom!

In your original post you stated [/c] I can still remember begging her to wait for me to come home.
[c=008099]
But now you are stating [/c] 8 hours prior she passed, she begged me to come home.
[c=008099]
Which one do you want to go with?[/c]

tryingtobeOK · 36-40, F

Girl, I have no time to explain and stress myself to explain to you. I just want to grieve....

#RESPECT POST#

@swirlie

tryingtobeOK · 36-40, F

@swirlie Who knows "who"? I remember begging her to wait for me. But my mom was on a dying bed , deliriously saying those things. You are more focus on technicalities of things. When someone is delirious, dying on a death bed, you can't force them what to say. You should not message at all if you are not KIND enough to respect my post. You actually made me more upset.

LadyJ · F

@swirlie Are you f**king serious?? She is grieving and missing her mom and you want to question every detail of what she's saying?..this is not your story it's hers.. so you need back off trying to antagonize her...walk your own walk and leave this girl alone

LadyJ · F

@tryingtobeOK don't explain yourself to her..she's a fool!...she has no clue about grief and the real world...shut her down and block her if you need to