A Letter to Myself - Learning Lessons in Acceptance and Forgiveness For Us All

Dear Hurt Heart,

I'm writing to let you know that what you're feeling today, or on occasion, is okay. Even if others don't understand or validate your feelings...it's still okay. You understand and didn't expect that, anyway, so I'm glad you didn't beat yourself up over it nor allow them to make you feel guilty for your feelings, whatever they may be. They do not know all the details of what took place in your life, between yourself and the family member(s) that hurt you and were crying over today.

You do not need to be forgiven for the genuiness you are feeling in your heart, nor do you need to feel apologizetic for feeling whatever it is you are feeling at times, or for remembering what your family did to you. What others in the family can't understand, you do not have to have validation for, nor seek it. You know who you are and what was done to you.

It's okay, if even the closest person in your family has accused you of not "letting go" or "forgiving", because you know you did. You made your own closure. Your family member really doesn't know what you went through. She can't. It's good that you do not even blame her for her false accusations. You simply understand that she doesn't understand, and that's okay. That's not possible, but I'm sorry she still hurt you with her accusations, and thought she knew what you're feeling, going through, and what you've been through in the past...when she doesn't. I'm sorry that it was her judgment that you have still not let go, nor forgiven people in the past. That was so unfair. She doesn't know your heart, and I'm glad you know that. I'm glad you know you don't have to prove yourself nor explain your feelings to anyone.

What her feelings were about you, thinking that she was right and knew everything, she tried to project onto you, as if trying to make you feel there was something "wrong" with you or your thinking, and that she was right in her judgment about you.

I'm glad you stood up for yourself and told her that healing is not linear. Emotional healing, even a physical wound, takes time, and may involve setbacks or resurfacing of pain. That doesn't mean you're a bad person, for simply feeling or remembering. And it certainly doesn't mean that you have not forgiven anyone, and she should not have accused you of that, and of not letting go. I'm glad you were not hard on yourself, when she attempted this, and reminded yourself that she simply doesn't understand. And that's not your problem. It is hers. You have forgiven her for that, and had already forgiven those in the family that hurt you so badly, and this means you were the bigger person for doing so.

Your heart is genuine and big enough to know that it's okay if others don't understand, forgive you, or judge you. That's not about you. That's about them... and their judgment. I'm glad that you told her that reoccurring trauma and pain doesn't invalidate your forgiveness; it's just a part of the process of working through the trauma and finding ways to process feelings. It's just wrong to make somebody feel like they're wrong for feeling things. Especially when you have already forgiven and let go of it.

Forgiveness doesn't necessarily lead to forgetting. Research shows that memories of a transgression may remain intact, even after you've forgiven the person who caused it, or the events. Again, that does not make you a bad person, just because you remember and feel the pain again, upon remembrance. And by admitting the truth to yourself and sharing this, it is good that you are hoping and praying that your sharing, will help someone else who may be experiencing the same thing.

I love you and I'm glad you love and understand yourself and this has come from going through all you've been through in life. You have also learned to ask others to forgive you, on those occasions you may have hurt them. That is just as important.

You learned that when you know better, you do better. No need of harsh judgment or bitterness against oneself. No need to ever beat yourself up or harm yourself. God forgives and he is always eager to forgive us and restore our fellowship with him. Then we can move on and do better. You have learned that it's important to acknowledge and validate your own feelings, allowing yourself to experience the emotions that arise, whether anger, sadness, or anything else... and whether anyone understands that, or not. You know what is really best for you. Keep believing in yourself and standing up for yourself.

To the Reader: Forgiveness is a powerful gift you give yourself, a journey... and lingering pain is a normal part of that journey. We are to forgive others. That doesn't mean that we still have to hang out with those who are toxic to us, abusive, and disrespect us, but to know when to step away, and by doing so, we are loving ourselves...as we should. Although it's important to forgive everyone and love them, forgiveness is really for ourselves, so we do not hold bitterness or unforgiveness in our heart. That would be sinful, and forgiveness is given to us as a gift, so that UN-forgiveness does not eat us up inside, like a cancer.

If we allow bitterness and unforgiveness in our hearts, it is ourselves who shall suffer and even temporarily disrupt fellowship with God, who is our example of forgiveness and love, until we repent and get back on the right track to where He can restore that fellowship and we can get back in right standing with God again. Unforgiveness can deteriorate our health, and God wants us to be happy and healthy.

You come first. Never allow anyone to make you feel "lesser than" or in second place... even to yourself. If you are being abused or in a toxic relationship, God would not want you to stay in it. Get away, never look back, make sure contact is impossible between you and your abuser, and go on with your life. The longer you wait on that decision, the more years shall be wasted, and a life and your health is a terrible thing to waste or lose. Love yourself enough to do what needs to be done. You'll never regret it and with God's guidance, you shall live a happy and peaceful life. That's what we all deserve.