Well, that hurt
I got talking to a lady online a while back. It was on this emotional support site so we both had issues so it was sort of In the context that whatever happened we knew we had to be extra supportive with each other. We live in different countries, but it is one simple plane journey. We exchanged discords. She gave me a few few of her pictures and gosh ‘pretty’ wouldn’t quite cut it. We spend a while talking a bit cheering each other up. I give her my insta and she tells me how I’m ‘sexy and handsome’.
The rest of this happens over a course of a few days.
After a while she ends up typing descriptions of cuddling me and what not and telling me she had so and so issues going on and how she wishes she could just rest on me. I’m in the same boat. That quickly turns into her saying she wants to have sex with me and that’s she’s really into certain things and that she trusts me enough to experiment with that and that it’s hard for her to trust. And how hopefully we can meet. I told her for the first time in a year from my girlfriend abandoning me, she was someone who made me feel a little at peace from that and she said she was happy she could help me that way.and she didn’t judge me on my past.
It’s leading up to her birthday. (This whole Apparently her brother died so I tried to cheer her up about that. Was really concerned as I’d quickly grown to really like her. Then she told me how every birthday she wanted to kill herself and also apparently how her brother was hitting her. So I was getting so worried and she had also gone quiet so I was trying to get a hold of her.
She then appears as if nothing had happened and asks me if I can chat on something else. And I tell her sure as long as we could go back to how we were. Now bear in mind this was literally just DAYS after she was full on acting into me. And she goes ‘about thattt i actually really like someone in my life in a romantic way 🥺’. Obviously I was sure something like that would happen, with the distance. But after a matter of days after talking to me the way she did? That just made me feel a hundred horrible things at once. I just replied ‘ah’ and started pacing in circles. Then she replied ‘I know, which is actually rlly rare for me not gonna lie. Its hard for me to love ppl in that way‘. Usually someone saying that would get my feels and I’d want to help them but urgh it just felt like being stabbed, almost like she was intentionally trying to take the mick out of me at that point. What am I meant to say ‘oh it’s lovely you found someone you actually like and didn’t actually see me that way’. Urgh. What was I thinking, some pretty girl with 1.5k insta followers, even leading up to that I was half way to asking her ‘what is a lady like you doing talking to someone like me’.
I miss my girlfriend and I just don’t want to be here at all.
The rest of this happens over a course of a few days.
After a while she ends up typing descriptions of cuddling me and what not and telling me she had so and so issues going on and how she wishes she could just rest on me. I’m in the same boat. That quickly turns into her saying she wants to have sex with me and that’s she’s really into certain things and that she trusts me enough to experiment with that and that it’s hard for her to trust. And how hopefully we can meet. I told her for the first time in a year from my girlfriend abandoning me, she was someone who made me feel a little at peace from that and she said she was happy she could help me that way.and she didn’t judge me on my past.
It’s leading up to her birthday. (This whole Apparently her brother died so I tried to cheer her up about that. Was really concerned as I’d quickly grown to really like her. Then she told me how every birthday she wanted to kill herself and also apparently how her brother was hitting her. So I was getting so worried and she had also gone quiet so I was trying to get a hold of her.
She then appears as if nothing had happened and asks me if I can chat on something else. And I tell her sure as long as we could go back to how we were. Now bear in mind this was literally just DAYS after she was full on acting into me. And she goes ‘about thattt i actually really like someone in my life in a romantic way 🥺’. Obviously I was sure something like that would happen, with the distance. But after a matter of days after talking to me the way she did? That just made me feel a hundred horrible things at once. I just replied ‘ah’ and started pacing in circles. Then she replied ‘I know, which is actually rlly rare for me not gonna lie. Its hard for me to love ppl in that way‘. Usually someone saying that would get my feels and I’d want to help them but urgh it just felt like being stabbed, almost like she was intentionally trying to take the mick out of me at that point. What am I meant to say ‘oh it’s lovely you found someone you actually like and didn’t actually see me that way’. Urgh. What was I thinking, some pretty girl with 1.5k insta followers, even leading up to that I was half way to asking her ‘what is a lady like you doing talking to someone like me’.
I miss my girlfriend and I just don’t want to be here at all.
31-35, M
