I Came From a Abusive Childhood

I believe I did. It's something I struggle with even today. I struggle with relationships and guilt and anger... I have been trying to move towards forgiveness as I am currently on a spiritual quest but I don't understand forgiveness.

My mother actually apologized recently. Intellectually, I probably forgive her but emotionally, not a chance. I blame her for all of my woes; my failures, my shortcomings, my mental health issues like depression, low self-esteem, anxiety- life is hard enough without having to battle that shit!

My healing is solely on me and I believe unless I forgive her, I will be stuck BUT I want my life back! I want the life she stole from me. I was confident, brave, a leader, and through years of being torn down and beat down and denied love... and so here I stand- tired of running from it, I can't out run the pain, can't continue to ignore it, distract myself from it with TV and food but as I age, I'm tired haha

This isn't the life I want or the one I envisioned. I deserve better! The true me is available to me, on the other side of forgiveness. There's only one problem... I have no idea how to get there! I'm screwed.

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Thebestof1995 · 26-30, F

My mother also has a very hard time to forgive. It's understandable why a lot of people are. I try to think of myself as a fairly forgiving person but when I think about a particular experience in my life I guess I had to think again.

What I tell my mother: Forgiving someone does not mean you condone what they did to you. It doesn't necessarily mean you have to love them, but I've learned anger is much too of a burden to bear. It's exhausting and it's toxic. It can turn someone into a insensative, bitter or even hateful or cruel person. I'm struggling with hidden anger even today. Forgiveness feels better because it's like a giant weight lifted from your soul. For me, forgiveness comes with "forgetting". What I mean by that is I don't really forget what happened or what they've done, but I move on and just try not to think about them. I know it's easier said than done. I think of it as: "their hate/deeds have nothing to do with me but everything to do with them."

I never am the best at bringing a close to a "letter", but on that note: have a happy spring and future Easter. 💕🐣😏👯🐇

taLking5 · 51-55, F

@Thebestof1995 You sound so much like me when you described forgiveness. I know that anger is a heavy burden emotion is such a heavy burden to carry around. I sincerely understand when you said that you do not condone it, you feel that it is a harsh thing to carry around and forgiving is like a release. I had heard that many times in my life from other people when I tell someone else they should forgive, they would not listen to me instead they would get upset with me and think to say that I do not understand their feelings. I do and feel there is a reason why I am telling them my feelings.

I agree with other people on here who left a post, I have to know someone else who had suffered from child abuse when they were a child. I once told that person that I wished they had some type of support throughout the years before and after they had become a parent. I believe if they did, maybe they would have a better chance in life to feel better and let things go. Sadly, to say if you challenged this person is asking them to forgive so they could go on with their life, they would feel that you are agreeing with the ones who had hurt them and feel that they are a bad person.

Today, they are going through current stress from the medical field and they are a similar miserable person, almost like how they felt years ago when the abuse was taken place. This person is a sad, depressed person, suffering from anxiety and guilt. Whenever they deal with negative thoughts or go through anything that is negative, they will feel worse and not see anything positive. All that person do is cry and cry, their stomach ache, their back muscles hurt and is very tense.

I am feeling guilty that I am not being supportive enough for this person. I thought doing the necessary things would be a great help to this person. When I do these things I do these chores without hesitation or complain about any of them. I do not complain when I get up early in the morning and do things without a complaint because I always feel that I would want someone to do for me without a complaint or feeling that I am being a burden on them.

CoffeeFirst · 56-60, F

You're not screwed, you're smart and on the right path. We all fight this stuff one day at a time, how else can you do it? If you are determined, you'll make awesome progress. --DW

Pfuzylogic · M

Forgiveness can be beyond a human task if there is nothing to replace everything that you give up in the act.

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Pfuzylogic · M

@aniave: That is a big part of forgiveness. Understanding what you are giving up, this need for "justice" or equity.
In a relationship that should be though if it is established there is a step of reconciliation.

aniave · 46-50, F

@Pfuzylogic: Damn, That's DEEP! Thank you. I will be pondering that. I never viewed it like that.

Pfuzylogic · M

@aniave: Love sharing; been there

Rusty6 · 61-69, M

I too am working on me. I'm trying to learn about myself and trying to allow God into my life to help. Having a hard time doing that. I know it's going to work out for both of us though

Hasmita · M

It will come

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