I feel trapped in some ways

If I stay on disability benefits and only work part time but not making more than the social security administration allows for staying on disability benefits, I stay poor and can’t have massive savings in the bank because there is a $2,000 dollar income asset limit for one person. But I get a partial safety net, medical insurance coverage from the government, and access to affordable housing so all I have to pay is reduced rental rates and utilities. But if I get off disability benefits, I will lose my health insurance and affordable housing for the future. I’m told part time work is not enough to afford to live on my own and provide for my needs. Even if I managed full time hours as an employee, there is no guarantee a company will offer me insurance coverage and other benefits so I don’t have to pay out of pocket for various expenses. I have seen some more affordable plans on the freelancers union website to be sure. And if I want to go freelance with remote work and flexible hours I will have to be prepared against income unpredictability. I need a cushion to fall back on in case I don’t make enough money. I don’t think I can support myself on a modest income by myself unless I pooled my resources with a bunch of other people to share the expenses. So much is expensive today and I am surprised to see people who make maybe between $50,000-$100,000 pre tax which was considered a good income until very recently having to be careful about their spending. I would be fortunate to make somewhere between $30,000-$60,000 pre tax but not much would be left over for necessities, savings, and spending on extras once all my expenses were paid. I feel though this country has some great qualities, the cost of living just sucks you dry. Sure a mid sized town in Texas will not be as expensive as say coastal major metros. But America on the whole is still really expensive. Even moving long distance is really expensive unless you move to a place that pays you to relocate there as some places are doing with remote workers in order to revitalize their economies and have new blood come in. I feel I will not achieve many of my dreams now and may have to dream a lot smaller than I wanted. Because of how expensive everything is I feel I will have a limited life and because of my mental health disabilities I feel I will not be able to live life completely free as I want. I am making up for lost time in my mid-thirties because I wasted my life during my teens, twenties, and early thirties by not completing anything that I started really with the exception of finishing high school and community college. My parents had to push me to finish high school because though I love learning, I hated the rigid structures and rules that k-12 learning environment imposed and the ridiculously early start in the day. Community college was better and had much more freedom. University had much more freedom in what you could do but I didn’t take full advantage of it. I was depressed and socially and academically disengaged. I should have finished my vocational courses online aand finished my bachelors degree and masters degree( I wish I did it online instead of on campus. Asynchronous Independent learning with no set log in times but weekly and monthly deadlines for assignments and projects would have been better for my learning style. Or self paced and or competency based independent learning would have been compatible with my learning style indeed. I imagined for example that I could work and study while I traveled as a digital nomad and lived in different parts of the United States and foreign countries. I imagined purchasing a spacious RV motorhome that was a complete home on wheels for my travels so I could stay in different places while working remotely from a labtop. I imagined so many scenarios like saving up enough money to buy cheap land in the American southwest like $5,000-$15,000 dollars for a few acres in the countryside. Saving and building a cob or adobe house or getting a tiny home on wheels to live in tiny home and tv resort villages. I imagined house sitting across the world and many other options to live in affordable housing below market rate rent or a mortgage for a house. But I may never leave Massachusetts to live somewhere else unless my family moves down south or something. My mental health team is here. My doctors are here through the state department of mental health. If I moved long distance I would have to start over with another department of mental health in another state and be found qualified for services again. I mean I have heard of online psychiatric services and therapy services that can ship your medication to where you live through private providers and some of them are reasonably priced. But I have supports here like a clinician/case worker and mental health outreach worker, a psychiatrist, and therapist and this state department can also help me with housing for people with mental health disabilities. In addition, I still have to learn many independent living skills like learning to cook and bake. I need to find the energy to clean my house. I wash laundry no problem and dishes because that’s not very physically taxing. I need to learn to pay bills, taxes, and insurance. I have to learn to budget for personal and household shopping and learn house maintenance. I dreamed of living in a bigger two story house like I lived in my parents house and having the room for all my stuff. But I might have to settle for an apartment when I move out in several to a few years. I don’t want to live in an apartment where I am crammed on top of other people and I can hear my neighbors in the halls and in their units. I have considered work trade for free or reduced rent exchange part time on top of working a part time freelance career. I still want to have time for my hobbies/interests/talents/passions/skillsets/aptitudes and maybe even volunteering two to three hours a week. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to travel on my own alone because I am not permitted to drive anymore. I also overstuff my suitcases and carryons and need more bags than that when I travel or even just to stay at somebody’s house for a couple of nights locally. I feel there are so many wonders of the world I will never get to see so books and movies are all I have to be transported to another world. I may travel somewhat with my family and if I had friends who would help pay for me to travel with them then I could go. Also I have a circadian rhythm that makes me alert, productive, and creative ( when I’m not creatively blocked) in the afternoon, evenings, and overnights into the early hours of the morning. I am not a morning person and I do not function well as I am still half asleep in the morning. I feel my energy kick in around noon time. And it continues to increase later in the day until late night. So eventually I’m trying to wake up late in the morning while the clock still says a.m. around 11:00 am or 11:30 am instead of slounging in bed until later afternoon because I don’t want to deal with the real world. I’m not ready to get up early morning or mid morning at 9-10am my sleep wake cycle is still in sleep mode. So also traveling and going across major time zone changes will throw my whole circadian rhythm out of wack too. Even when I went to bed earlier and woke up earlier in the day, I still felt groggy and half asleep in the morning. So I have a lot of considerations to take in when I travel around and how I live. But I live with my parents who financially support me and I’m in adult family care/foster care program. My mom is trying to get a stipend for helping take care of me. The only other means of income is disability benefits for myself . I still learn like online for some of my hobbies including languages. But I need to finish my professional vocational courses that will help me earn an income if I pass the courses or develop a portfolio of work to show potential clients. I have a lot of work ahead of me even to make me mostly independent and self sufficient.