i asked my boyfriend if he’d break up with me if he found out i’d had a threesome

i’ve been with him for just over a year now, we just met one day and never left each other alone since. our morals and boundaries were one of the first things we spoke about, and we had the same views on everything, especially loyalty. i’ve only ever been with 6 people in my life including him. i didn’t lose my virginity until i was 20, i never viewed sex as a dirty thing, i just felt it was something i had to get out the way. i felt like a weirdo for still being a virgin but i’ve always been a picky person and i was always too scared.

i lost it to a guy i’d known of for about 5 years, my brothers friend. he had a thing for me for years but i never gave him the time of day. i found him attractive, like most girls did. he was really popular, but i knew what type of person he was, he slept with a lot of people, but he was major obsessed with me. i unfortunately did develop a thing for him, and i wanted the opportunity to get it out the way and not be a virgin anymore, so i did it. i didn’t feel anything about it, when ir was over he seemed a bit more obsessed but all i was thinking was how relived i am that i got this thing over and done with, now i don’t have to worry about it.

he ended up in a whole relationship a week later with a girl i didn’t know existed that had his new born kid, that turned out to not even be his but that’s another story. i didn’t give a rats ass, i wasn’t heartbroken, but we reconnected 6 months later. he had broken up with her and i bumped into him coincidentally, from there forward is when it started, i ended up falling for the community dick. he stayed with me for a night but nothing happened.

he ended up getting back with his ex on and off and i found out he was fucking my brothers friend, leah. this was an entire year since i lost my virginity and an entire year later i’d only ever done it that once. so leah was showing me videos of her and the guy i lost it too being all loved up, and it took me by surprise how much it hurt me. i knew it was stupid, i never did give a fuck about him.

but leah asked if i wanna go out to the club with her, i said yes as i figured it’s probably just drunk plans that we aren’t actually gonna do and if i want her to stay away from him, i should keep her close. but 5 days later she chased me up about the plans, asked if i was still going. i tried to make up excuses to not go out but she had a solution to everything, so i thought i’d get it over with, and this is how it starts, the night i regret more than anything in my entire life.

so after the club, it’s 3am and leah walks up to me with two guys asking if i’d come back to their house with her. i had no way home and was gonna stay at hers that night so wherever she went, i was going. so the guy she was talking to was the more attractive one, brendan. i was talking to cameron who wasn’t really my type. but on the ride home brendan asked to kiss me. so i did, leah looked at me and when we got out we the car i apologied as she was talking to him first, but she said she didn’t care.

so we get in brendan’s house and we were in his room with the lights off. i was having a normal convo with cameron who seemed sweet, when out of nowhere leah starts to hsve sex with brendan in front of us. at this point it was an entire year some i lost my virginity like i said. and had only done it that once. i didn’t like that i had only slept with that one person, it made me feel like even more of a weirdo than i did when i was a virgin. and since leah was doing it, i guess i felt comfortable too. so i have sex with cameron. i did tell him i’d only ever done it once, and he didn’t believe me, which isn’t a surprise as i was in that situation to begin with. he kept sayinf to his friend that i have the tightest pussy known to man, he said it was hurting him. he never finished because of the pain, and i wasn’t turned on. i didn’t enjoy it. i decided i didn’t wanna have sex with him anymore. so i sat on brendan’s bed and whispered to myself “what the fuck are u doing”

brendan at some point asked to switch. he wanted me and wanted cameron to take leah. i wasn’t against the idea of switching at all as brendan was the one i wanted in the first place. and i wanted to experience good sex as i had little to not experience so i did switch to brendan. i did ask for leah’s permission, she said it was okay. i wasn’t expecting her to also do it with cameron but she did. so whwre in the dark on the floor. leah ended up going home; and brendan asked if i wanna be tag teamed. even tho i was in the mindset of wanting to hoe around and experience stuff like everyone else, i still thought that was disgusting. i said no. i said i only want you. cameron didn’t hesitate to go home, not far behind leah. she told me she cried on the way home, which i took a surprise as she’d been with many men. so i was left alone with brendan, who said he has been with over 70 girls. he asked me to do anal i said no, i still had my boundaries, he asked me to make a sex tape i said no. but he did record me without my permission, i didn’t find out untik he sent me the video, my heart dropped.

brendan didn’t leave me alone. fast forward 8 months he was texting me and i was kinda telling him it was all a mistake, i didn’t like how sexual he was so i blocked him. also at this point, i had started it back up with the boy i lost my virginity too. he was fully done with his ex, it’s a long story but i ended up cutting him and off as he played too many games and it wasn’t until then he became really serious about me, but it was already too late. i never spoke to him again. he kept trying to contact my brother for my attention, but i kept my word.

i did sleep around for a little bit to get over him, but i got over him regardless and figured casual sex wasn’t for me. i never did have sex too feel loved, it was more to get rid of that feeling. every guy i’d ever been with wanted to see me again, but they weren’t worth it, until i met my current boyfriend.

i never truly knew what it felt like to be in love until he came alone. meeting him felt like fate and i don’t even believe in that but everything felt so natural with him. he’s only ever been with 8 girls he was in a 3 year relationship and got cheated on so he had a small hoe faze just like i did. i told him that too. i didn’t go into detail but i told him i had slept with people to get over this guy but i didn’t like it. i never thought about that night with leah. i blocked it from my brain. it wasn’t me. but 2 weeks ago we were on face time and she said “no way look who just came up on my tinder” it was brendan. it brought everything up again and i don’t know if im being dramatic but i’ve been feeling sick to my stomach over it, especially at night when i try to sleep. i wish i had protected myself more. and the thought comes to my head “what would he think of me if he knew i’d done this 2 years ago?

i didn’t get tag teamed and it wasn’t a threesome but i wanted so subtly ask what he might think about something like this so i asked him “have u ever had a threesome” he said “no have u?” i said no. would u break up with me if i had. he said “probably, i don’t know how i’d feel about that, it’s worse than having a high body count, getting tag teamed. which of course didn’t happen. i wasn’t tag teamed and it wasn’t a threesome. it was just a switch. i didn’t enjoy sex until i met my boyfriend. i thought i never would. but i feel he doesn’t know me n i feel guilty in so many ways.

i don’t want to tell him as i know he wouldn’t wanna hear it. i don’t need his validation to know i’m a good person. he knows me. i’m loyal im respectful i keep to myself i’ve always been the quiet girl. i get a lot of male attention yet i’m loyal to a fault. i made a mistake i can’t take back, yet i feel so disgusting