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Mrsbetweenfatandfit · 26-30, F
People are getting married later & later & some opting out of the paperwork altogether. It’s normal to want to have peace in the family but parents don’t have children for them to live the life they desire for them. It has to be the life the child wants to create for themselves. Growing pains are real so just let your parents get through this stage to acceptance.
mikeylyksit · 41-45, M
Your best odds of having a successful marriage are if you get married before the age of 24. Men who are serious about marriage typically shy away from dating women who are living with their parents. So to live with your parents until age 27 was a huge mistake for you, assuming that you ever want to get married. In that sense, you were absolutely correct to move away from your parents.
HOWEVER...I think you've just jumped out of the frying pan and into the fire. You mention a boyfriend. You mention him buying a house for the two of you. You mention marriage in the sense that your parents think that you should live with them until you are married. What I have NOT read is that you are currently engaged. I think if you were ENGAGED, you probably would have mentioned that.
Dear, your odds of getting married drop like a ROCK at age 30. If you don't have a firm commitment from your boyfriend to tie the knot sometime within the next 6-12 months at MOST...
You are going to look back on this decision in a few years and realize that you made a huge mistake. And ironically, that huge mistake had nothing to do with your parents, or moving to live away from your parents. That huge mistake was in deciding to "live with" a guy without firm wedding plans at the age of (gulp) 27.
Many will disagree with me and say you have plenty of time to get married. But that's only in the sense that you will have plenty of choice of potential husbands later, if you want to "settle" quite a bit. If your guy is good enough for you to live with, he's good enough to marry. If HE doesn't think YOU are good enough to marry RIGHT NOW, then ...
He's wasting your precious time, dear. Your prime years are already behind you and most folks who know better say the wall is 30 years old for women, and THE WALL IS UNDEFEATED.
Not trying to scare you. Trying to help you. Good luck...
HOWEVER...I think you've just jumped out of the frying pan and into the fire. You mention a boyfriend. You mention him buying a house for the two of you. You mention marriage in the sense that your parents think that you should live with them until you are married. What I have NOT read is that you are currently engaged. I think if you were ENGAGED, you probably would have mentioned that.
Dear, your odds of getting married drop like a ROCK at age 30. If you don't have a firm commitment from your boyfriend to tie the knot sometime within the next 6-12 months at MOST...
You are going to look back on this decision in a few years and realize that you made a huge mistake. And ironically, that huge mistake had nothing to do with your parents, or moving to live away from your parents. That huge mistake was in deciding to "live with" a guy without firm wedding plans at the age of (gulp) 27.
Many will disagree with me and say you have plenty of time to get married. But that's only in the sense that you will have plenty of choice of potential husbands later, if you want to "settle" quite a bit. If your guy is good enough for you to live with, he's good enough to marry. If HE doesn't think YOU are good enough to marry RIGHT NOW, then ...
He's wasting your precious time, dear. Your prime years are already behind you and most folks who know better say the wall is 30 years old for women, and THE WALL IS UNDEFEATED.
Not trying to scare you. Trying to help you. Good luck...
Moraguea · 26-30, F
@mikeylyksit thank you for your feedback. He is actually planning proposing in a couple months and we’ve already booked our honeymoon for December 2022. We are very much serious about each other and in love. Also, we are only 7 months into our relationship, so the timing to get engaged makes more sense in a few months. As far as moving in with him, I agree it may be too early if that’s what you’re thinking, however, I think of our relationship is gonna have any chance, I need to move out of my parents so that we can live and date and get to know each other without being restricted.
mikeylyksit · 41-45, M
@Moraguea Well, for perspective....a little wisdom from the old folks...
If you know that you are going to get engaged, there is no point in delaying that. If you interview folks who have been married for insanely long periods of time like 60 or 70 years, you will find odd similarities (with few exceptions)
1) They married less than a year after first meeting each other. Sometimes within weeks or even DAYS of meeting each other. When it's right, it doesn't take long to figure that out.
2) The "wedding" was rather informal. Sometimes it's literally at the court house with a JP. But even in a church, there were no more than 20 people present, including the bride, the groom and the priest...
The reasons these situations tend to make marriages that last are, people who can make good decisions tend to pounce on opportunity when it presents itself. Also, people with small weddings are couples who are focused more on THEMSELVES than other people near them (or not so near them). And really, if you are serious about marriage, then you don't really care who is at the wedding as long as you have all the necessary people. The necessary are the bride, the groom, the officiator, and a witness or two...
I think your plan as is, is just OK. But if he finds a reason to delay at all, you might want to re-think this...
If you know that you are going to get engaged, there is no point in delaying that. If you interview folks who have been married for insanely long periods of time like 60 or 70 years, you will find odd similarities (with few exceptions)
1) They married less than a year after first meeting each other. Sometimes within weeks or even DAYS of meeting each other. When it's right, it doesn't take long to figure that out.
2) The "wedding" was rather informal. Sometimes it's literally at the court house with a JP. But even in a church, there were no more than 20 people present, including the bride, the groom and the priest...
The reasons these situations tend to make marriages that last are, people who can make good decisions tend to pounce on opportunity when it presents itself. Also, people with small weddings are couples who are focused more on THEMSELVES than other people near them (or not so near them). And really, if you are serious about marriage, then you don't really care who is at the wedding as long as you have all the necessary people. The necessary are the bride, the groom, the officiator, and a witness or two...
I think your plan as is, is just OK. But if he finds a reason to delay at all, you might want to re-think this...
2cool4school · 46-50, F
I can relate to your situation as I have similar circumstances in my family and my parents have always said that they don’t sleep until they know that I’m safe but it used to be “home at their house safe” and I think you’re doing the right thing by moving out. I definitely felt and still feel guilty about stuff with my parents too.
In my case it was different in the sense that I have cohabitated and it was supposed to go to marriage but it wasn’t meant to be.
Just remember that it’s your life and your relationship and I’m guessing that you’re expecting it to go to marriage ?? So I think it’s just going to take a little while before both you and your parents feel comfortable with the way that you are proceeding. I’m sorry if I’m vague. Please ask me anything else you want to because I want to help you see that you are making a good decision and some relationships don’t survive cohabitation too so you may learn something that you otherwise would not have seen. I wish you nothing but the best and I’m here for you if you want or need. 😊☺️
In my case it was different in the sense that I have cohabitated and it was supposed to go to marriage but it wasn’t meant to be.
Just remember that it’s your life and your relationship and I’m guessing that you’re expecting it to go to marriage ?? So I think it’s just going to take a little while before both you and your parents feel comfortable with the way that you are proceeding. I’m sorry if I’m vague. Please ask me anything else you want to because I want to help you see that you are making a good decision and some relationships don’t survive cohabitation too so you may learn something that you otherwise would not have seen. I wish you nothing but the best and I’m here for you if you want or need. 😊☺️
2cool4school · 46-50, F
@Moraguea I just want the best for you honestly even if we are strangers on SW (and the planet)
Picklebobble2 · 56-60, M
I would worry for people who had some idea in
their heads about how their children should leave home.
And I think the longer you stay in that environment you’ll probably think you’re doing right by them but you’ll get ever more anxious about the right way to leave the nest the older you get !
This isn’t the 1950’s !
People don’t do courting anymore.
However much they might wish it so.
Women are expected to make their own way in the western world
their heads about how their children should leave home.
And I think the longer you stay in that environment you’ll probably think you’re doing right by them but you’ll get ever more anxious about the right way to leave the nest the older you get !
This isn’t the 1950’s !
People don’t do courting anymore.
However much they might wish it so.
Women are expected to make their own way in the western world
Viper · M
First off, she cares for you, that's a huge win! But also you need your freedom.
You need a way to show that your appreciate her caring, and that she can worry less.
I would probably drive over there a couple.of times to hugs her and hang out with her if everything now good.
Of course.she could guilt trip you or something and turn into fighting, but you need.to try to stay calm and just remind them, that things are a lot different now than when they grew up.
Of course, a smarter step, might be to do this with letters, and cute designs and writing to them how much you are so appreciated everything they have done and continue to do and how they care for you in our concern for you etc etc.
So you can give her the positive feelings that you'll hope take over.
But I'm lazy and don't like writing not making fancy things, so I'd probably just go over there.
You need a way to show that your appreciate her caring, and that she can worry less.
I would probably drive over there a couple.of times to hugs her and hang out with her if everything now good.
Of course.she could guilt trip you or something and turn into fighting, but you need.to try to stay calm and just remind them, that things are a lot different now than when they grew up.
Of course, a smarter step, might be to do this with letters, and cute designs and writing to them how much you are so appreciated everything they have done and continue to do and how they care for you in our concern for you etc etc.
So you can give her the positive feelings that you'll hope take over.
But I'm lazy and don't like writing not making fancy things, so I'd probably just go over there.
Spoiledbrat · F
Maybe she is having a hard time letting go. But it also sounds like she has old fashioned values. How come you don't want to get married? Or do you plan to?
Moraguea · 26-30, F
We do plan on getting married december 2022, but we’ve only been dating 7 months. I just can’t wait another year and a half to live my life the way we want.
@Spoiledbrat
@Spoiledbrat
DownTheStreet · 51-55, M
Why do you suppose your mom is that way?
Regardless at some point it has to be your life.
Regardless at some point it has to be your life.
Moraguea · 26-30, F
@DownTheStreet raised that way, very strict Catholic traditional upbringing. She got married to my dad at 22 and he is the only guy she has been with and waited till marriage with him. But she met him at 18
John1994 · 26-30, M
It seems you have over protective parents