My partners adult daughter in her 30s is always trying to come between me an her Dad. We got engaged recently and she would look at my engagement ring

Its like a silent tug of war but she always acts so innocent to her Dad. When I try to explain her actions to my partner I'm met with aggression and acusations that I dont like his daughter. She has done many things in the past that are too many to mention. Her Dad is Italian and worships her. I feel the relationship is doomed as I dont attend family events anymore and she also turned my partners daughter in law against me but ill never find out what she said. Exhausted trying to figure out all this. Im not even sure if my partner genuinely loves me. I think he loves me when alls going well for him. Thoughts🤔 can this survive? His ex wife I think is in it to. So much jealousy!!😩

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Mamapolo2016 · F

You are never going to change his mind about his daughter. Only she and her behavior can do that.

So your choices are to drop your end of the tug of war rope, leave, or stay and watch everybody involved be miserable.

She can’t jerk you around if you don’t hang on to the rope.

Ciaotutti · F

@Mamapolo2016 I know this but I do love her Dad but she is making it more difficult. She does things to guilt trip him plays his ex wife against him so he will run after her more. X

Mamapolo2016 · F

I understand. I do. I was in a very similar situation.

When we humans are presented with conflict - especially unfair conflict - our every impulse is to try to win.

You can’t win in this situation. The best possible outcome you could hope for is a draw (the everybody is miserable option).

We circled each other like dogs about to fight. Then my husband got very sick and I no longer had the energy or time to spend on that stupid game.

So I altered my behavior. I said that when she visited, I would leave so she could have her private time with her Dad. This reduced the friction between us and my frustration. I think she missed the little five minute wars, but tough.

Then when she had gone home, he and I didn’t have to deal with the negative aspects she left behind. It was just us again.@Ciaotutti

Ciaotutti · F

@Mamapolo2016 Im glad that helped a lot. My partner and his daughter spend time together without me as we dont live together. I dont have any problem with that my partner always says... my daughters visiting tonight or vice versa so i dont phone or expect him to phone till the visits over. However if I have my family over i dont tell him not to call. I just find his ways really odd. Its took me years to unravel a lot of his ways. He can be realky nice when it suits him but can also be very sarcastic definsive and picking up on something, he always has to be right.