I'm lonely but not ready to date

Since the man I loved passed away I just haven't felt like dating anyone else and its been over a year now. I miss intimacy, but I still love him so dating feels somehow wrong. I also don't feel like I could ever love someone like I loved him. So it seems unfair to anyone I date. Plus I have his ashes in my bedroom so thats another thing. We wanted to be scattered together somewhere when I die. I just don't really even know who I am anymore or truly what I want my future to be.

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MaBalzEsHari · 36-40, M

I get hanging onto the ashes. Its hard to let go of that last bit of him. But his ashes are your handcuffs. When you look at them...........he is there and that puts a lock you thinking its OK to date and move on. In every sense when you look at that urn.... he is still THERE in your life.......looking at you everyday. Scattering ur ashes with his after you have passed on gives you no closure...........now. And by the time it's done.........you won't know it was done/....or how.. Scatter them now...........that is your goodbye memorial to him. Then YOU can be positive his ashes are in a place that honors him........not just dumped by someone after you are gone to get rid of them.

If he loved you..........he would not want you to be lonely, unhappy. It is hard someone lose a lover......it is harder still to live alone in a guilt trip for the rest of your life.

peterlee · M

@MaBalzEsHari My mothers wish when she was dying was that I should not know where her ashes were scattered. There was no focal point to mourn. It’s not easy.

As I suggested earlier, just take your time.

Wolfheart · F

@MaBalzEsHari scattering the ashes will not change how I feel. Plus I have anxiety feeling like he is still here with me even in his casket is comforting to me.