Were you or did you know of a child that was extremely shy when in grade school?
How many of you were outgoing in your childhood but became really anxious as you grew up? Was anybody else shy as a kid?
DAE?*
From birth to my high school years I was incredibly, painfully shy. As in, I never spoke unless spoken to, had no friends, and acted very closed-off when approached. I don't know why; I was never abused as a kid. Perhaps a lack of confidence, or slow social development. I began to come out of my shell as a sophomore, when I got my first girlfriend, and now I'd call myself a social creature. I kinda have trouble coming up with conversation topics, but other than that, I'm very open to people. As I look back on that lonely childhood, I can't help but wonder how common it is. Did any of you INFJs have a similar experience? If not, how'd your social skills develop? Years ago, a girl from my class said she wish she was silent like me. She was the most popular girl in my class.
Because I felt safe and protected. I felt no one would judge me. If I did say something, I wouldn’t be heard by anyone. All my life I was ignored by my parents so that’s why I chose to stay quiet. My parents didn’t even stop to think that maybe something is wrong with me being quiet around them and not my siblings.
I had bad social anxiety and it was always hard for me to meet people and make friends. Im also gay and always struggled with my identity and trying to fit in, as well as the fact that I was never attracted to anyone my age. Made me feel weird, like an outsider, so I often alienated myself.
I had a dumbass superiority complex and thought that talking to "idiots" made me seem stupid. I can see why I used to think that, since some of my peers said incredibly dumb things (Stuff like saying a human could impregnate a rat) but I honestly feel bad and guilty for thinking of myself as superior.
Were you talkative when you were younger?
I recently got off the phone with my sister and we were talking about problems with our parents. Something she mentioned was how my parents struggled to understand me when I became a teenager I don't know why I kept this particular, irrelevant memory for so long, but today I was just thinking about how people not only aren't sensitive to those with social anxiety, but they truly don't get it.
Well, it's okay, people don't have the responsability to help me out. I just think it's a funny thing.
For my entire adolescence, people in my life who acknowledged my existence; mostly adults, would either compliment me for being "well behaved" or make jokes about me "not talking". I mostly didn't mind the lighthearted jokes or the compliments, I even sometimes relied on the thought that me being silent, for having strong anxiety, was actually a good quality after all.
Painfully shy/introverted almost 4 year old. Anybody have any experience or words of wisdom?
Our almost 4 year old son is so incredibly shy and my wife and I are both struggling to handle it correctly. We had his very first T-ball practice last night and he wouldn't participate at all. He wouldn't put the shirt and hat on, he wouldn't even talk to the coaches when they tried talking to him, and he ended up just running up a hill and watching by himself.
When we're in any social situation, he just shuts down and hides behind one of us. He won't respond to anybody when they talk to him. When we're at home and he's comfortable, he's a loud, boisterous, funny, normal kid
I really don't want to make him feel like it's not okay to be shy and introverted, but I want to help him come out of his shell at least a little bit. Does anybody have any experience or advice?
I should also mention that his grandmother has always done in-home daycare for him and his 2 year old sister when she came along and that has undoubtedly been a factor, but his personality has always been more timid from the very beginning. His sister isn't like that at all.
But for the few of them that realized the struggle, I am grateful. Was anyone else cripplingly shy as a child? I've felt bad about this all of my life. There was a girl named Mae in my second grade class. She was very poor, often wore dirty, floor-length dresses, her hair was unkept, and she wore old shoes. She was also very shy, and looking back, I remember Mae as being nice and sweet to everyone. Still, for some reason, my second-grade brain was grossed out by her. Whenever I saw her, I would immediately point at her with a disgusted look, and say in a disgusted, loud tone, "Ewwwwww... Maeee!", no matter who was around. I would tease her about her hair and clothes. She would never respond or look up at me. She kept her head down and absorbed my ridicule. This went on for at least half of the school year. Nobody else made fun of her like I did.
I was abused as a kid by an older person and was always scared of getting in trouble for it (Believing I was in the wrong). My fear of getting in trouble made me quiet and eventually I didn't know how to She didn't live in my little town very long, and I don't ever remember seeing her after my second grade year. I'm now 53years old, but I have thought about my behavior many, many times and I look back on that sweet girl with empathy and heartbreak every time I think of how I treated her. I have since raised 2 (now grown) daughters and cannot think of anyone being mean to them without also remembering how mean I was to Mae. If I could, I would apologize to Mae. But, sadly, my only chance at repentance is my deepest regret.
As a kid, I was super shy. I didn't want to look strangers in the eye, was very quiet in school, and while I had a small group of friends, I was just generally reserved and would get very anxious when talking to people I didn't know. Around adolescence maybe, that started to change. I began to push myself to not be shy because it was a source of embarrassment for me. At stores and such, I would force myself to ask employees if I needed something or had a question, for example, instead of relying on my parents. By the way, I am not in any way trying to shame shy people or say that it's bad to be shy - I was lacking in confidence at the time and just tired of being known as the "quiet kid in class". But to be honest, it worked because now as a young adult, I am extremely extroverted, get depressed if I don't have social interaction for a while, and just generally enjoy talking and getting to know people. Still, there are times I feel a tinge of nervousness when talking to someone I don't know, but it's not really a problem anymore. Getting a job in high school also helped with that a lot since I worked at a restaurant and had to interact with customers all day.
Even in college though, I'm still fairly quiet but that's more because I get distracted easily and am usually daydreaming. Curious though - was anyone else really shy and reserved when they were young and extroverted now? Or are there any shy extroverts? I'm new to this subreddit and am genuinely wondering if this is a common ENFP trait.
DAE?*
From birth to my high school years I was incredibly, painfully shy. As in, I never spoke unless spoken to, had no friends, and acted very closed-off when approached. I don't know why; I was never abused as a kid. Perhaps a lack of confidence, or slow social development. I began to come out of my shell as a sophomore, when I got my first girlfriend, and now I'd call myself a social creature. I kinda have trouble coming up with conversation topics, but other than that, I'm very open to people. As I look back on that lonely childhood, I can't help but wonder how common it is. Did any of you INFJs have a similar experience? If not, how'd your social skills develop? Years ago, a girl from my class said she wish she was silent like me. She was the most popular girl in my class.
Because I felt safe and protected. I felt no one would judge me. If I did say something, I wouldn’t be heard by anyone. All my life I was ignored by my parents so that’s why I chose to stay quiet. My parents didn’t even stop to think that maybe something is wrong with me being quiet around them and not my siblings.
I had bad social anxiety and it was always hard for me to meet people and make friends. Im also gay and always struggled with my identity and trying to fit in, as well as the fact that I was never attracted to anyone my age. Made me feel weird, like an outsider, so I often alienated myself.
I had a dumbass superiority complex and thought that talking to "idiots" made me seem stupid. I can see why I used to think that, since some of my peers said incredibly dumb things (Stuff like saying a human could impregnate a rat) but I honestly feel bad and guilty for thinking of myself as superior.
Were you talkative when you were younger?
I recently got off the phone with my sister and we were talking about problems with our parents. Something she mentioned was how my parents struggled to understand me when I became a teenager I don't know why I kept this particular, irrelevant memory for so long, but today I was just thinking about how people not only aren't sensitive to those with social anxiety, but they truly don't get it.
Well, it's okay, people don't have the responsability to help me out. I just think it's a funny thing.
For my entire adolescence, people in my life who acknowledged my existence; mostly adults, would either compliment me for being "well behaved" or make jokes about me "not talking". I mostly didn't mind the lighthearted jokes or the compliments, I even sometimes relied on the thought that me being silent, for having strong anxiety, was actually a good quality after all.
Painfully shy/introverted almost 4 year old. Anybody have any experience or words of wisdom?
Our almost 4 year old son is so incredibly shy and my wife and I are both struggling to handle it correctly. We had his very first T-ball practice last night and he wouldn't participate at all. He wouldn't put the shirt and hat on, he wouldn't even talk to the coaches when they tried talking to him, and he ended up just running up a hill and watching by himself.
When we're in any social situation, he just shuts down and hides behind one of us. He won't respond to anybody when they talk to him. When we're at home and he's comfortable, he's a loud, boisterous, funny, normal kid
I really don't want to make him feel like it's not okay to be shy and introverted, but I want to help him come out of his shell at least a little bit. Does anybody have any experience or advice?
I should also mention that his grandmother has always done in-home daycare for him and his 2 year old sister when she came along and that has undoubtedly been a factor, but his personality has always been more timid from the very beginning. His sister isn't like that at all.
But for the few of them that realized the struggle, I am grateful. Was anyone else cripplingly shy as a child? I've felt bad about this all of my life. There was a girl named Mae in my second grade class. She was very poor, often wore dirty, floor-length dresses, her hair was unkept, and she wore old shoes. She was also very shy, and looking back, I remember Mae as being nice and sweet to everyone. Still, for some reason, my second-grade brain was grossed out by her. Whenever I saw her, I would immediately point at her with a disgusted look, and say in a disgusted, loud tone, "Ewwwwww... Maeee!", no matter who was around. I would tease her about her hair and clothes. She would never respond or look up at me. She kept her head down and absorbed my ridicule. This went on for at least half of the school year. Nobody else made fun of her like I did.
I was abused as a kid by an older person and was always scared of getting in trouble for it (Believing I was in the wrong). My fear of getting in trouble made me quiet and eventually I didn't know how to She didn't live in my little town very long, and I don't ever remember seeing her after my second grade year. I'm now 53years old, but I have thought about my behavior many, many times and I look back on that sweet girl with empathy and heartbreak every time I think of how I treated her. I have since raised 2 (now grown) daughters and cannot think of anyone being mean to them without also remembering how mean I was to Mae. If I could, I would apologize to Mae. But, sadly, my only chance at repentance is my deepest regret.
As a kid, I was super shy. I didn't want to look strangers in the eye, was very quiet in school, and while I had a small group of friends, I was just generally reserved and would get very anxious when talking to people I didn't know. Around adolescence maybe, that started to change. I began to push myself to not be shy because it was a source of embarrassment for me. At stores and such, I would force myself to ask employees if I needed something or had a question, for example, instead of relying on my parents. By the way, I am not in any way trying to shame shy people or say that it's bad to be shy - I was lacking in confidence at the time and just tired of being known as the "quiet kid in class". But to be honest, it worked because now as a young adult, I am extremely extroverted, get depressed if I don't have social interaction for a while, and just generally enjoy talking and getting to know people. Still, there are times I feel a tinge of nervousness when talking to someone I don't know, but it's not really a problem anymore. Getting a job in high school also helped with that a lot since I worked at a restaurant and had to interact with customers all day.
Even in college though, I'm still fairly quiet but that's more because I get distracted easily and am usually daydreaming. Curious though - was anyone else really shy and reserved when they were young and extroverted now? Or are there any shy extroverts? I'm new to this subreddit and am genuinely wondering if this is a common ENFP trait.
