Have you ever felt as if you didn’t fit in somewhere?
Maybe it was at school, on a team, with a group of friends, in a public place or even in your own home.
What made you feel different from everyone else?
Students, read the rest of the comic, then tell us:
Have you ever felt as if you didn’t belong? Tell us about that time and what it was like for you. How has that experience affected your life and the way you see yourself?
Ms. Hara asks, “What if I was both or neither or something completely different?” Have you ever felt that way about a part of your identity?
Now, when people ask her if she is American, Ms. Hara says, “I am, in my own way.” How have you comforted yourself when you’ve felt like an outsider? Have you been able to make a new identity for yourself, as Ms. Hara did? In general, do you prefer to stand out or fit in? Why? What are the challenges or the benefits of either situation? What can we learn about belonging from Ms. Hara’s story? Does anyone else feel like they don't belong anywhere?
I feel like I have no close friends. I have no core group of people I hang out with. No one invites me anywhere. No on texts me. No one calls. No one asks me to go out and do anything. I spend most of my time alone.
Do you ever not fit in everywhere you go?
I do. I don’t even fit in amongst “nerds” or the antisocial. Just wish I could find a group of friends or there was somewhere I belonged or fit it.
I spent years trying to make plans with "friends" but everyone always had other plans or they flaked out. I've always been the one who put in all the work. All my relationships have been one sided. Just this evening I was at the fair in my hometown. So of course I knew a large portion of the people there. I went alone as per usual. Everyone was already in their groups hanging out. Or with their boyfriend or girlfriend. Everyone had their main friend group that they made plans with. Sure, I would make small talk with a few people I know but they would only talk for a minute and then they would say they had to go. Simply translated they had other people they would rather talk to. So I spent most of the evening walking around alone until I felt like a loser and just went home.
Does anyone feel like they don't fit in anywhere?
I'm not an outgoing person mostly because I don't have many friends to do so with. If I do go out it's because I initiate it. This brings me to having countless hours of thinking what is wrong with me that people do not want to hang out with me.
I'm 45 years old and I've always felt like the outsider, the extra, the third wheel, when it comes to my circle of friends. Sure, we all get along great but I have very little in common with any of them. One friend like wrestling and Nascar, and another likes guns and cars. I've never felt that I belong anywhere, that I'm just...here...going through the motions. I don't have a favorite show, book, movie, actor, song, etc so when people ask me my favorite, I just name something. Even at work when I'm around my coworkers and they start discussing that movie, or that show, or that hobby, I just sit and listen. I have nothing to input.
As I have gotten older I have realized that throughout my life I have never "fit in." I use quotations as I am referring to the term very loosely. I have always felt like the odd one out, the last one to be picked, or the friend who is left out. A little about me: I would describe myself as somewhat introverted/shy. However, I am easily able to hold small talk and am always friendly to others. I have been told I constantly look angry/annoyed. Despite how much I would love to meet new people/make friends I actively avoid social situations with anyone but my close friends. I feel extremely self conscious when I talk and feel as if everyone is judging me. When I do meet new people or am introduced to others, I get a strong feeling that they do not like me. I live with the notion that all people are predisposed to dislike me before they meet me. I am afraid that if I talk to little I will be considered boring and if I talk too much I will be annoying. Throughout my life I have had people tell me that I am either very boring or very annoying. My close friends find me funny and like able but I feel that they have just tolerated my "annoyingness." As I entered high school I realized how difficult it was for me to make friends or establish relationships. Many of the friends I had in high school were introduced to me by one close friend. Almost no relationships were made on my own accord. I found myself feeling extremely left out especially in social situations that involved groups. I was afraid to speak out and look stupid, self conscious about every word I spoke and move I made. I find myself extremely sensitive to what others say about me, which is another reason I am making this post. Recently, I was told by a friend that someone whom I considered a friend told her (after we hung out) that she considered me very annoying, vapid, and too talkative. She compared me to my other friends and explained that she liked them all but me. I was extremely hurt even though she had very little relevance to my life at the time (we see each other rarely). This is one example of many throughout my life where I was compared with my friends. Each and every time I would be the one that was most disliked and less popular.
After working at a certain retail store for a few months I had made almost 0 friends. I found myself feeling very awkward with coworkers/managers. I got a new job and things seemed to be going well until I realized how much better the other new hires seemed to be getting along with everyone else. They hung out outside of work, laughed easily with the managers, and joked around. I however barely made it past small talk and could say no more than 2-3 words to managers. I realized my coworkers were simply just being nice to me, not because they wanted to be my friend but because they were, well, my coworkers. I felt as if many of my coworkers thought I was very awkward/weird/odd/lame. When I did start opening up they found me boring. This is when I realized that this was a constant in my life. People did not want to be my friend. I was always unwanted.
Recently I have started college. I was excited to meet other individuals like me, thinking that college would be nothing like high school. I was dead wrong. In order to jumpstart my new life in college I decided to rush a sorority. Not only did this make me even more self conscious than before, it made me reconsider everything that I thought about myself. I was dropped by a few sororities, including my top choice which made me question my personality, looks, and overall demeanor. I constantly questioned myself "what is wrong with me?" I decided to stick it out in the sorority I was placed in hoping for the best. All the other girls got to know the older girls extremely quickly. They also formed very close bonds with each other. Despite how actively I tried to become close to them, I felt shunned. I did not "click" with them. None of them wanted to get to know me despite my efforts to get to know them. The older sisters found me extremely awkward/weird. In short, I feel as if the world is against me. No one seems to want to become my friend. Am I that awkward? Am I that embarrassing? Am I that lame? Am I that weird? I am not sure if this post is just a giant rant or a desperate plea for advice.
I don't know what to expect from this post. Maybe someone out there will understand what I'm trying to say.
Has anyone had experience with this? Would love to hear similar stories.
I just truly feel like I have a lot of acquaintances and no real friends. I am friendly and I have been told I am funny and the nicest person ever. Maybe that's the problem? I am too nice. I really don't know. It seems like no one values me.
No matter what group I go to, I always feel a little out-of-place, like I never truly belong. I always feel like the odd one out. I'm not sure whether that is my own fault or if I'm just only suited to be around very specific people. Anyone else feel this way?
I am 31 and it is just getting harder to make friends. I am just feeling lonely tonight and needed to vent. Does anyone else feel the way I do?
What made you feel different from everyone else?
Students, read the rest of the comic, then tell us:
Have you ever felt as if you didn’t belong? Tell us about that time and what it was like for you. How has that experience affected your life and the way you see yourself?
Ms. Hara asks, “What if I was both or neither or something completely different?” Have you ever felt that way about a part of your identity?
Now, when people ask her if she is American, Ms. Hara says, “I am, in my own way.” How have you comforted yourself when you’ve felt like an outsider? Have you been able to make a new identity for yourself, as Ms. Hara did? In general, do you prefer to stand out or fit in? Why? What are the challenges or the benefits of either situation? What can we learn about belonging from Ms. Hara’s story? Does anyone else feel like they don't belong anywhere?
I feel like I have no close friends. I have no core group of people I hang out with. No one invites me anywhere. No on texts me. No one calls. No one asks me to go out and do anything. I spend most of my time alone.
Do you ever not fit in everywhere you go?
I do. I don’t even fit in amongst “nerds” or the antisocial. Just wish I could find a group of friends or there was somewhere I belonged or fit it.
I spent years trying to make plans with "friends" but everyone always had other plans or they flaked out. I've always been the one who put in all the work. All my relationships have been one sided. Just this evening I was at the fair in my hometown. So of course I knew a large portion of the people there. I went alone as per usual. Everyone was already in their groups hanging out. Or with their boyfriend or girlfriend. Everyone had their main friend group that they made plans with. Sure, I would make small talk with a few people I know but they would only talk for a minute and then they would say they had to go. Simply translated they had other people they would rather talk to. So I spent most of the evening walking around alone until I felt like a loser and just went home.
Does anyone feel like they don't fit in anywhere?
I'm not an outgoing person mostly because I don't have many friends to do so with. If I do go out it's because I initiate it. This brings me to having countless hours of thinking what is wrong with me that people do not want to hang out with me.
I'm 45 years old and I've always felt like the outsider, the extra, the third wheel, when it comes to my circle of friends. Sure, we all get along great but I have very little in common with any of them. One friend like wrestling and Nascar, and another likes guns and cars. I've never felt that I belong anywhere, that I'm just...here...going through the motions. I don't have a favorite show, book, movie, actor, song, etc so when people ask me my favorite, I just name something. Even at work when I'm around my coworkers and they start discussing that movie, or that show, or that hobby, I just sit and listen. I have nothing to input.
As I have gotten older I have realized that throughout my life I have never "fit in." I use quotations as I am referring to the term very loosely. I have always felt like the odd one out, the last one to be picked, or the friend who is left out. A little about me: I would describe myself as somewhat introverted/shy. However, I am easily able to hold small talk and am always friendly to others. I have been told I constantly look angry/annoyed. Despite how much I would love to meet new people/make friends I actively avoid social situations with anyone but my close friends. I feel extremely self conscious when I talk and feel as if everyone is judging me. When I do meet new people or am introduced to others, I get a strong feeling that they do not like me. I live with the notion that all people are predisposed to dislike me before they meet me. I am afraid that if I talk to little I will be considered boring and if I talk too much I will be annoying. Throughout my life I have had people tell me that I am either very boring or very annoying. My close friends find me funny and like able but I feel that they have just tolerated my "annoyingness." As I entered high school I realized how difficult it was for me to make friends or establish relationships. Many of the friends I had in high school were introduced to me by one close friend. Almost no relationships were made on my own accord. I found myself feeling extremely left out especially in social situations that involved groups. I was afraid to speak out and look stupid, self conscious about every word I spoke and move I made. I find myself extremely sensitive to what others say about me, which is another reason I am making this post. Recently, I was told by a friend that someone whom I considered a friend told her (after we hung out) that she considered me very annoying, vapid, and too talkative. She compared me to my other friends and explained that she liked them all but me. I was extremely hurt even though she had very little relevance to my life at the time (we see each other rarely). This is one example of many throughout my life where I was compared with my friends. Each and every time I would be the one that was most disliked and less popular.
After working at a certain retail store for a few months I had made almost 0 friends. I found myself feeling very awkward with coworkers/managers. I got a new job and things seemed to be going well until I realized how much better the other new hires seemed to be getting along with everyone else. They hung out outside of work, laughed easily with the managers, and joked around. I however barely made it past small talk and could say no more than 2-3 words to managers. I realized my coworkers were simply just being nice to me, not because they wanted to be my friend but because they were, well, my coworkers. I felt as if many of my coworkers thought I was very awkward/weird/odd/lame. When I did start opening up they found me boring. This is when I realized that this was a constant in my life. People did not want to be my friend. I was always unwanted.
Recently I have started college. I was excited to meet other individuals like me, thinking that college would be nothing like high school. I was dead wrong. In order to jumpstart my new life in college I decided to rush a sorority. Not only did this make me even more self conscious than before, it made me reconsider everything that I thought about myself. I was dropped by a few sororities, including my top choice which made me question my personality, looks, and overall demeanor. I constantly questioned myself "what is wrong with me?" I decided to stick it out in the sorority I was placed in hoping for the best. All the other girls got to know the older girls extremely quickly. They also formed very close bonds with each other. Despite how actively I tried to become close to them, I felt shunned. I did not "click" with them. None of them wanted to get to know me despite my efforts to get to know them. The older sisters found me extremely awkward/weird. In short, I feel as if the world is against me. No one seems to want to become my friend. Am I that awkward? Am I that embarrassing? Am I that lame? Am I that weird? I am not sure if this post is just a giant rant or a desperate plea for advice.
I don't know what to expect from this post. Maybe someone out there will understand what I'm trying to say.
Has anyone had experience with this? Would love to hear similar stories.
I just truly feel like I have a lot of acquaintances and no real friends. I am friendly and I have been told I am funny and the nicest person ever. Maybe that's the problem? I am too nice. I really don't know. It seems like no one values me.
No matter what group I go to, I always feel a little out-of-place, like I never truly belong. I always feel like the odd one out. I'm not sure whether that is my own fault or if I'm just only suited to be around very specific people. Anyone else feel this way?
I am 31 and it is just getting harder to make friends. I am just feeling lonely tonight and needed to vent. Does anyone else feel the way I do?
