How do you "put yourself out there" without coming off as a creep?
Every time I go someplace where I'm likely to meet women interested in the same sorts of things I am, I can't shake the feeling that I'm being a creep.
For instance, my campus had a healthy cooking session. I was genuinely interested in learning more about how to cook healthy food, but in the back of my mind, I knew there would probably be lots of women there.
When I got there, I was literally the only guy out of a group of 25. That probably would have been a dream for some guys, but for me, I just felt like I was invading this female space to creep up on some chicks. I climbed into my shell and barely said anything the whole time. It was the only way I could save face and show the women that I wasn't there to hit them up. And of course, I never went to any of the other healthy cooking sessions.
20y/o dude here, I've spent years lurking on different advice sites and they all mention the same talking points. -be confident -improve your personality (narrows it down) -dress attractive But the most vague thing of all: -Put Yourself Out There.
I've never had a particularly large group of friends, my largest social circle is easily my primary school class, which was 9 people, but I just cannot figure out what this means. Make a dating site profile? I don't know anything else.
I've never gone to a pub or club and don't know how to talk to anyone there because everywhere I go, people are all just too busy to talk, too in the rhythm of daily life.
I decided to go outside my comfort zone recently, and I tried out for a musical. Over the course of three months, I got pretty close to the stage manager (we'll call her Brie).
I first started talking to her when I was talking to a friend and she heard me saying something about a character in the Forgotten Realms books. First impression, she was smart, funny, attractive, and out of my league. After the first show, I asked her for her phone number and we continued to talk. Today I told her I like her, and asked if she wanted to go do something sometime. She declined and said she doesn't like me like that and said she appreciated it though.
So I am a 19 year old teen in my first year of uni. So far, I haven't very social. I do have friends but I don't see them that often because I am hugely introverted. In fact, just know I saw some of them eating out in a large group and instead of joining them, I went upstairs to my room due to my social anxiety. How can I overcome this? It's near the end of the school year and I want to actually hang out with these people, so how can I do that?
I'm tired of hearing cliche BS from everyone.
I'm tired of people telling me there are other fish in the sea.
I went on a college field trip for a club based around my major and I struggled to conversate with my group as we walked around a new city and state. I know this is weird (probably jealousy to some degree), but it got so depressing seeing how everyone is so much more interesting then me and could have convos so easily (granted some have been in the club for a while and have built bonds). I’m almost 20 and I still struggle to have the nerve to talk and make friends. A 5th grader is probably more competent than me lol. Kinda felt like an outlier a lot of the trip. There were fun parts don’t get wrong, but I’m convinced my mental would’ve been better if I just stayed in my dorm the last few days lmao. It’s insult to injury to see everyone enjoying themselves so easily right in your face while you struggle. At least when you’re alone, you can forget your problems and distract yourself with something else. I hate to bring negativity to the sub, but really had to vent.
I'm tired of people telling me I'll find someone.
Forgive me for errors, it's my first time posting. I've been feeling really nostalgic lately, especially after reading the "what was your worst blind date" responses. It made me think of a while back when I put myself out there emotionally, which led me to putting myself out there professionally, and now, years later, due to that leap have become a person I didn't know I could have been.
I don't know why I do this anymore.
As you read this and build a mental picture of me (and yes this is something between a plea of help and a rant), include this tidbit. I know that my lack of initiative is quite self-defeating, but how do I take that first step out of this pit?
I don't want to use a dating app because I know that being a guy defaults me into swiping right on everyone and hoping for a chance to reach text, that the apps are designed to foster an environment where everyone is in short term relationships and looking for another.
My class in software development is the closest I've been to having friends since lockdown started. I'm tired of technology.
I don't feel de-legitimized when I'm part of a group more long-term, like an astronomy club I was a part of. But even though the group had several intelligent, attractive women who were my type, I felt paralyzed. I couldn't make a move on any of them, because then it would make her feel uncomfortable if she wasn't interested. She'd have to decide if she still wanted to go to the club and face the awkwardness of knowing I was into her.
No matter the situation, I always seem to find a reason why I can't make a move on a woman. And it usually has something to do with respecting her boundaries. But then, other guys aren't worried about it, and they're the ones getting the dates.
Am I totally off base here? It seems like I hear women talk all the time about how they're pestered 24/7 for dates, never getting a break. And I don't want to be that guy. Do you just have to ignore your conscience and ask her out anyway, knowing it'll probably make her feel uncomfortable or annoyed?
Ladies, have there been any guys who asked you out in a way that wasn't too aggressive, but wasn't pathetically timid either? What did they say? Like, what actual words? I'm 22 and have never had a relationship. I've been told on several occasions that there's "nothing wrong with me" and I just need to "put myself out there". How do I do this.
I've pretty much done nothing but work for years so if I don't meet new at work, I simply don't meet anyone new. I've been told to try online dating but I'm far to shy for that. Other that that I genuinely don't know what to do.
There’s been so many times i’ve refrained from joining clubs (and if i have i left after the first day). Even when i was VERY good at what it was. I kept thinking about “what if i get something wrong, i’ve embarrassed myself” so i just avoid it completely. This has ruined a lot for me because i won’t try new things. I’m 19 ( a girl) and haven’t even tried to get my first job because i’m scared of interviews!! It doesn’t help that my CV is empty as well because i keep running away from anything i could’ve put on there. Since this lockdown started i’ve been interested in sports again and i’m going to be starting university in september. What i want to do is join a sports team but the fact i have no experience whatsoever is putting me off. No experience means people will watch me more, and judge when i do something wrong. the only thing motivating me are animes with inspiring characters🤣😭😭. Also everything i do i always get below what i actually want because i have no drive even though i REALLY want it. No actions but good thoughts. I’m that person who’s really quiet until they get comfortable then they won’t shut up. i just want to be like that all the time. Not caring what people think. but People’s judgemental looks glares just make me shut down so easily. Visibly no one sees it, but all i do is AVOID everything now and i hate it.
I have no idea where people my age go to meet people other than bars and clubs, and thoosr really aren't my kinda thing. All of my hobbies don't involve leaving the house, so unless I'm working, I just don't go anywhere.
Finally decided to get back into dating after two horribly abusive relationships. To all the adult men on here with relationship experience, what the hell does the phrase “put yourself out there” even mean and how do I apply it? I’m sick of being told it and not knowing what to do.
Even though I'm not the best at socialising, I'm not completely good awful. I can manage to hold a conversation well enough buy tend to run out of things to tall about when the topic switches too me.
First off, you’re 100% right about the emotional connection making the difference in sex. Even as a guy I find sex is 10x better when you’re with someone you’re emotionally connected to. Being a person who’s fought through depression too, I can tell you from my experience it was a hinderance in finding a woman for the right reasons. I met a lot of awesome girls, but most all of them were just space fillers to cover up a void I refused to address on my own. Inevitably the relationships would end due to my insecurities (mainly with myself). Sounds like you’re trying to work on you which is great. I won’t give you the advice to avoid dating all together and focus on you, but make sure you’re the one making you happy before you allow anyone else to. 21 is a younger age in the dating world. As you grow with yourself you’ll find a lot of these things you worry about now will pass. Best of luck
I think the best way to put yourself out there is by doing more social activities that you enjoy. For example, lets say you enjoy playing some sport like beach volleyball or basketball. Just by doing that activity you will meet both guys and girls. Making more friends is a great way to put youself out there because i know alot of people meet there significant other through friends or activities they do. Hope that helps!
Now tho, I've worked on myself quite a bit, I'm fitter, healthier, happier, I got a good job, found myself new hobbies I like and feel like I can handle any social environment.
But I'm struggling to actually put myself out there dating wise (and generally too I suppose), I don't have a huge friend circle, I got 2 really good friends that live about a 2 hour drive from me each... Which kinda sucks ye
But that means I kinda don't have anyone to go out with to things like bars and clubs and restaurants and it really sucks because I love this social aspect of life, I even went out to a couple concerts by myself which was fun but it just wasn't the same as going with someone else...
All that to say I don't have anyone to actually go out with IRL to places where I could meet girls.
Another issue is that the two things I'm actually passionate about--programming and writing--aren't done socially. So I'm not as into the events as everyone else. And I can't put myself too fully into new things, as there are goals I am trying to reach.
So online dating right? Well I don't have any experience with that so any tips you may have are more than appreciated, but I feel like I got some disadvantages here too.
Alright, so I'm a virgin. I just turned 23 two months ago, I'm in my final year of college, which unfortunately is both an IT college, with a lot of guys and very few girls, and in my home town, which means no freaky campus action for me. A year ago I moved from my parents' house into a small apartment where I live on my own and I have a job that unfortunately involves working from home (I do translating and subtitling work for TV), so can't meet people through work either.
I didn't really feel the need for a girlfriend since high school, since I kept myself busy with studying for college, getting my driver's license and playing video games with my friends. But now I got my driver's license and my buddies that I played video games and went for beers with got jobs/girlfriends and don't hang out with me anymore, and so recently I'm starting to feel pretty lonely at home and I would like to find myself a nice girl to go out and spend time with.
I'm an average looking guy. I'm not fat, smelly, deformed or socially awkward, I can talk to people and carry out conversations just fine, it's just that I'm kind of an introvert and a bit shy around girls because I've barely had any experience with them and I don't have many friends in general. I also don't care much for Facebook (I only use it out of necessity, for college announcements/posts) because I don't have many friends and I don't have interesting photos to share.
I don't have a car and get around mostly using public transport and an E-bike, something I doubt most people would find very attractive :p
I was in a relationship for 2.5 years and didn't have a single worry about the relationship and then I was blindsided when he broke it off with me. His reasoning " I was too good for him and he didn't want to hurt me in the future". After licking my wounds I put myself back out there and began dating again through apps like Hinge and Bumble but every. single. time. I have a great first date and then they never talk to me again or claim their lives are too busy for dating. I'm a conventionally attractive person and believe I have a good personality. I am just so confused why everyone else seems to think I'm so disposable. I'm just so tired. Tired of picking myself up every time someone says "its not about you". How am I supposed to believe after this constant pattern that its not about me.
I didn't realize how hard it would be to meet new people after college, and am looking for new friends and to potentially find a SO. But I basically go to work, gym, hang out with friends, and that's all. I rarely meet new people.
I'm finally using social media (aside from reddit) but I've never been social so everytime I post something I feel super self-conscious. I get no views or likes, I don't know how to use tiktok or Instagram and its just super hard. I'm doing it so I can have a place to promote my songs and im just super embarrassed by the lack of interactions I get. Do you guys ever feel like that when promoting your songs ?Weekends - Im usually doing something. Skiing, climbing, working on my house, etc. (most of these activities are with friends or in groups)
So beyond what I do, what do people mean by "put yourself out there"? What else can I do? I am social and friendly whenever I meet people. But no one really seems to notice me, or notice that I am single, or even believe that I am single. Even if I try to flirt and ask girls out.
I'm really looking for anything BESIDES online, which I know is super popular, but I've had zero luck with it. How did/do you put yourself "out there" and meet new people?
Listening to what other people say and just starting dating sounds great, and it sounds like it should be simple, but I have absolutely no idea. Hope you’re ready for this……. I started dating in my early 20’s. A serial dater if you will. I wasn’t the most popular in high school. Always got a long with everyone and was friends with the majority of people. But with a graduation class of less than 200, where everyone has known everyone for the past 10 years, it made it hard for me. Once I got out and in college I dated around, A LOT. Only long term though, 2-3 years minimum. It there was something that alway didn’t sit right with me regarding the people I dated, and eventually it would end. Due to my parents divorce I discovered I legitimately had commitment issues. Because my dad up and randomly left me, I always thought a loved one would do the same. I developed quite a few insecurities, and after dating a few girls who actually did cheat on me, those insecurities just became magnified. Eventually I met a girl who, funny enough, I would talk to and complain about relationships with. She thought I was a hot mess, and tried to hook me up with her friends. I realized I didn’t want to meet anyone new, the last relationship was hard enough, and I just wanted to start my life over and move away. I found a job in a state 2000 miles way, a state I always wanted to live in, and made plans to move. However the girl I met who was always so good with advice, I started to fall for hard! 4 months after I met her I was to move. Figured I’d shoot my shot and ask her if she wanted to do the long distance thing. Figuring she’d say no abs things would have closure, to my surprise she told me “yes!” So for a whole year we did the long distance thing. She came to visit me, I came back to see her, we planned trips all over the country and got to spend a week or so in cities we’ve never been to, going to concerts, sporting events, getting tattoos. It was amazing. I moved back for her and now 3 years later we are stronger than ever. She’s 38 and I’m 41. So to answer your question…. About 20 years it took me. She’s perfect in every way, and according to her I’m the same for her. I cannot emphasize enough how worth it it is to wait for the right person and not settle. The year away in another state allowed me to grow on my own, do some self reflection, live someplace I’ve always wanted to live, and still be able to build a solid foundation with a woman that supported my journey. I’m not saying you have to, or will have to wait 20 years for this. We started out as friends, nothing more, no other intentions. I always thought she was attractive, but that’s as far as that ever went. Once we got to know each other, I knew she was the right person.
For instance, my campus had a healthy cooking session. I was genuinely interested in learning more about how to cook healthy food, but in the back of my mind, I knew there would probably be lots of women there.
When I got there, I was literally the only guy out of a group of 25. That probably would have been a dream for some guys, but for me, I just felt like I was invading this female space to creep up on some chicks. I climbed into my shell and barely said anything the whole time. It was the only way I could save face and show the women that I wasn't there to hit them up. And of course, I never went to any of the other healthy cooking sessions.
20y/o dude here, I've spent years lurking on different advice sites and they all mention the same talking points. -be confident -improve your personality (narrows it down) -dress attractive But the most vague thing of all: -Put Yourself Out There.
I've never had a particularly large group of friends, my largest social circle is easily my primary school class, which was 9 people, but I just cannot figure out what this means. Make a dating site profile? I don't know anything else.
I've never gone to a pub or club and don't know how to talk to anyone there because everywhere I go, people are all just too busy to talk, too in the rhythm of daily life.
I decided to go outside my comfort zone recently, and I tried out for a musical. Over the course of three months, I got pretty close to the stage manager (we'll call her Brie).
I first started talking to her when I was talking to a friend and she heard me saying something about a character in the Forgotten Realms books. First impression, she was smart, funny, attractive, and out of my league. After the first show, I asked her for her phone number and we continued to talk. Today I told her I like her, and asked if she wanted to go do something sometime. She declined and said she doesn't like me like that and said she appreciated it though.
So I am a 19 year old teen in my first year of uni. So far, I haven't very social. I do have friends but I don't see them that often because I am hugely introverted. In fact, just know I saw some of them eating out in a large group and instead of joining them, I went upstairs to my room due to my social anxiety. How can I overcome this? It's near the end of the school year and I want to actually hang out with these people, so how can I do that?
I'm tired of hearing cliche BS from everyone.
I'm tired of people telling me there are other fish in the sea.
I went on a college field trip for a club based around my major and I struggled to conversate with my group as we walked around a new city and state. I know this is weird (probably jealousy to some degree), but it got so depressing seeing how everyone is so much more interesting then me and could have convos so easily (granted some have been in the club for a while and have built bonds). I’m almost 20 and I still struggle to have the nerve to talk and make friends. A 5th grader is probably more competent than me lol. Kinda felt like an outlier a lot of the trip. There were fun parts don’t get wrong, but I’m convinced my mental would’ve been better if I just stayed in my dorm the last few days lmao. It’s insult to injury to see everyone enjoying themselves so easily right in your face while you struggle. At least when you’re alone, you can forget your problems and distract yourself with something else. I hate to bring negativity to the sub, but really had to vent.
I'm tired of people telling me I'll find someone.
Forgive me for errors, it's my first time posting. I've been feeling really nostalgic lately, especially after reading the "what was your worst blind date" responses. It made me think of a while back when I put myself out there emotionally, which led me to putting myself out there professionally, and now, years later, due to that leap have become a person I didn't know I could have been.
I don't know why I do this anymore.
As you read this and build a mental picture of me (and yes this is something between a plea of help and a rant), include this tidbit. I know that my lack of initiative is quite self-defeating, but how do I take that first step out of this pit?
I don't want to use a dating app because I know that being a guy defaults me into swiping right on everyone and hoping for a chance to reach text, that the apps are designed to foster an environment where everyone is in short term relationships and looking for another.
My class in software development is the closest I've been to having friends since lockdown started. I'm tired of technology.
I don't feel de-legitimized when I'm part of a group more long-term, like an astronomy club I was a part of. But even though the group had several intelligent, attractive women who were my type, I felt paralyzed. I couldn't make a move on any of them, because then it would make her feel uncomfortable if she wasn't interested. She'd have to decide if she still wanted to go to the club and face the awkwardness of knowing I was into her.
No matter the situation, I always seem to find a reason why I can't make a move on a woman. And it usually has something to do with respecting her boundaries. But then, other guys aren't worried about it, and they're the ones getting the dates.
Am I totally off base here? It seems like I hear women talk all the time about how they're pestered 24/7 for dates, never getting a break. And I don't want to be that guy. Do you just have to ignore your conscience and ask her out anyway, knowing it'll probably make her feel uncomfortable or annoyed?
Ladies, have there been any guys who asked you out in a way that wasn't too aggressive, but wasn't pathetically timid either? What did they say? Like, what actual words? I'm 22 and have never had a relationship. I've been told on several occasions that there's "nothing wrong with me" and I just need to "put myself out there". How do I do this.
I've pretty much done nothing but work for years so if I don't meet new at work, I simply don't meet anyone new. I've been told to try online dating but I'm far to shy for that. Other that that I genuinely don't know what to do.
There’s been so many times i’ve refrained from joining clubs (and if i have i left after the first day). Even when i was VERY good at what it was. I kept thinking about “what if i get something wrong, i’ve embarrassed myself” so i just avoid it completely. This has ruined a lot for me because i won’t try new things. I’m 19 ( a girl) and haven’t even tried to get my first job because i’m scared of interviews!! It doesn’t help that my CV is empty as well because i keep running away from anything i could’ve put on there. Since this lockdown started i’ve been interested in sports again and i’m going to be starting university in september. What i want to do is join a sports team but the fact i have no experience whatsoever is putting me off. No experience means people will watch me more, and judge when i do something wrong. the only thing motivating me are animes with inspiring characters🤣😭😭. Also everything i do i always get below what i actually want because i have no drive even though i REALLY want it. No actions but good thoughts. I’m that person who’s really quiet until they get comfortable then they won’t shut up. i just want to be like that all the time. Not caring what people think. but People’s judgemental looks glares just make me shut down so easily. Visibly no one sees it, but all i do is AVOID everything now and i hate it.
I have no idea where people my age go to meet people other than bars and clubs, and thoosr really aren't my kinda thing. All of my hobbies don't involve leaving the house, so unless I'm working, I just don't go anywhere.
Finally decided to get back into dating after two horribly abusive relationships. To all the adult men on here with relationship experience, what the hell does the phrase “put yourself out there” even mean and how do I apply it? I’m sick of being told it and not knowing what to do.
Even though I'm not the best at socialising, I'm not completely good awful. I can manage to hold a conversation well enough buy tend to run out of things to tall about when the topic switches too me.
First off, you’re 100% right about the emotional connection making the difference in sex. Even as a guy I find sex is 10x better when you’re with someone you’re emotionally connected to. Being a person who’s fought through depression too, I can tell you from my experience it was a hinderance in finding a woman for the right reasons. I met a lot of awesome girls, but most all of them were just space fillers to cover up a void I refused to address on my own. Inevitably the relationships would end due to my insecurities (mainly with myself). Sounds like you’re trying to work on you which is great. I won’t give you the advice to avoid dating all together and focus on you, but make sure you’re the one making you happy before you allow anyone else to. 21 is a younger age in the dating world. As you grow with yourself you’ll find a lot of these things you worry about now will pass. Best of luck
I think the best way to put yourself out there is by doing more social activities that you enjoy. For example, lets say you enjoy playing some sport like beach volleyball or basketball. Just by doing that activity you will meet both guys and girls. Making more friends is a great way to put youself out there because i know alot of people meet there significant other through friends or activities they do. Hope that helps!
Now tho, I've worked on myself quite a bit, I'm fitter, healthier, happier, I got a good job, found myself new hobbies I like and feel like I can handle any social environment.
But I'm struggling to actually put myself out there dating wise (and generally too I suppose), I don't have a huge friend circle, I got 2 really good friends that live about a 2 hour drive from me each... Which kinda sucks ye
But that means I kinda don't have anyone to go out with to things like bars and clubs and restaurants and it really sucks because I love this social aspect of life, I even went out to a couple concerts by myself which was fun but it just wasn't the same as going with someone else...
All that to say I don't have anyone to actually go out with IRL to places where I could meet girls.
Another issue is that the two things I'm actually passionate about--programming and writing--aren't done socially. So I'm not as into the events as everyone else. And I can't put myself too fully into new things, as there are goals I am trying to reach.
So online dating right? Well I don't have any experience with that so any tips you may have are more than appreciated, but I feel like I got some disadvantages here too.
Alright, so I'm a virgin. I just turned 23 two months ago, I'm in my final year of college, which unfortunately is both an IT college, with a lot of guys and very few girls, and in my home town, which means no freaky campus action for me. A year ago I moved from my parents' house into a small apartment where I live on my own and I have a job that unfortunately involves working from home (I do translating and subtitling work for TV), so can't meet people through work either.
I didn't really feel the need for a girlfriend since high school, since I kept myself busy with studying for college, getting my driver's license and playing video games with my friends. But now I got my driver's license and my buddies that I played video games and went for beers with got jobs/girlfriends and don't hang out with me anymore, and so recently I'm starting to feel pretty lonely at home and I would like to find myself a nice girl to go out and spend time with.
I'm an average looking guy. I'm not fat, smelly, deformed or socially awkward, I can talk to people and carry out conversations just fine, it's just that I'm kind of an introvert and a bit shy around girls because I've barely had any experience with them and I don't have many friends in general. I also don't care much for Facebook (I only use it out of necessity, for college announcements/posts) because I don't have many friends and I don't have interesting photos to share.
I don't have a car and get around mostly using public transport and an E-bike, something I doubt most people would find very attractive :p
I was in a relationship for 2.5 years and didn't have a single worry about the relationship and then I was blindsided when he broke it off with me. His reasoning " I was too good for him and he didn't want to hurt me in the future". After licking my wounds I put myself back out there and began dating again through apps like Hinge and Bumble but every. single. time. I have a great first date and then they never talk to me again or claim their lives are too busy for dating. I'm a conventionally attractive person and believe I have a good personality. I am just so confused why everyone else seems to think I'm so disposable. I'm just so tired. Tired of picking myself up every time someone says "its not about you". How am I supposed to believe after this constant pattern that its not about me.
I didn't realize how hard it would be to meet new people after college, and am looking for new friends and to potentially find a SO. But I basically go to work, gym, hang out with friends, and that's all. I rarely meet new people.
I'm finally using social media (aside from reddit) but I've never been social so everytime I post something I feel super self-conscious. I get no views or likes, I don't know how to use tiktok or Instagram and its just super hard. I'm doing it so I can have a place to promote my songs and im just super embarrassed by the lack of interactions I get. Do you guys ever feel like that when promoting your songs ?Weekends - Im usually doing something. Skiing, climbing, working on my house, etc. (most of these activities are with friends or in groups)
So beyond what I do, what do people mean by "put yourself out there"? What else can I do? I am social and friendly whenever I meet people. But no one really seems to notice me, or notice that I am single, or even believe that I am single. Even if I try to flirt and ask girls out.
I'm really looking for anything BESIDES online, which I know is super popular, but I've had zero luck with it. How did/do you put yourself "out there" and meet new people?
Listening to what other people say and just starting dating sounds great, and it sounds like it should be simple, but I have absolutely no idea. Hope you’re ready for this……. I started dating in my early 20’s. A serial dater if you will. I wasn’t the most popular in high school. Always got a long with everyone and was friends with the majority of people. But with a graduation class of less than 200, where everyone has known everyone for the past 10 years, it made it hard for me. Once I got out and in college I dated around, A LOT. Only long term though, 2-3 years minimum. It there was something that alway didn’t sit right with me regarding the people I dated, and eventually it would end. Due to my parents divorce I discovered I legitimately had commitment issues. Because my dad up and randomly left me, I always thought a loved one would do the same. I developed quite a few insecurities, and after dating a few girls who actually did cheat on me, those insecurities just became magnified. Eventually I met a girl who, funny enough, I would talk to and complain about relationships with. She thought I was a hot mess, and tried to hook me up with her friends. I realized I didn’t want to meet anyone new, the last relationship was hard enough, and I just wanted to start my life over and move away. I found a job in a state 2000 miles way, a state I always wanted to live in, and made plans to move. However the girl I met who was always so good with advice, I started to fall for hard! 4 months after I met her I was to move. Figured I’d shoot my shot and ask her if she wanted to do the long distance thing. Figuring she’d say no abs things would have closure, to my surprise she told me “yes!” So for a whole year we did the long distance thing. She came to visit me, I came back to see her, we planned trips all over the country and got to spend a week or so in cities we’ve never been to, going to concerts, sporting events, getting tattoos. It was amazing. I moved back for her and now 3 years later we are stronger than ever. She’s 38 and I’m 41. So to answer your question…. About 20 years it took me. She’s perfect in every way, and according to her I’m the same for her. I cannot emphasize enough how worth it it is to wait for the right person and not settle. The year away in another state allowed me to grow on my own, do some self reflection, live someplace I’ve always wanted to live, and still be able to build a solid foundation with a woman that supported my journey. I’m not saying you have to, or will have to wait 20 years for this. We started out as friends, nothing more, no other intentions. I always thought she was attractive, but that’s as far as that ever went. Once we got to know each other, I knew she was the right person.
