Two Days Later
It's close to 48 hours since my heart was ripped out of my chest and my whole world was burned to the ground. Still trying to pick up the pieces. Obviously, with not even two days having passed, that part will take plenty of time.
For some reason I'm hopeful she'll reach out. I'd like to give her space. She broke up with me once in 2020 and within 48 hours she reached out, asking if I wanted to talk. We did and clearly we patched things up, just days shy of the 1 year anniversary of the night we met.
This Sunday will mark seven years since I met the woman who'd go on to change my life more than any other woman I've ever met. I'm still trying to process two nights ago, when she berated me over the phone for 21 minutes. I'm still also trying to process the mistakes I made that triggered her to make that call.
And this was on the heels of us patching things up just last Friday after not seeing each other all summer. Part of me says I can now pursue things I definitely wouldn't have dared to do out of respect to her.j But another part of me doesn't want anything else but her.
It's not just about her being in my life and the feelings of love and safety I felt for the first time in my life. I miss the family we had (I consider her two cats to be our kids) and the world we built together. A world free of all the negativity otherwise weighing us down. Exploring fun, new things, acting like big kids, inside jokes. Warmth. Ease.
I'm breathing infinitely better than I was yesterday. My focus on my work is better than it was yesterday. But the pain is still there. It will be for a while.
I'd told her that being with her was equivocal to being in a dream and never wanting to wake up. I was snapped right out of that dream and my reality is cold.
For some reason I'm hopeful she'll reach out. I'd like to give her space. She broke up with me once in 2020 and within 48 hours she reached out, asking if I wanted to talk. We did and clearly we patched things up, just days shy of the 1 year anniversary of the night we met.
This Sunday will mark seven years since I met the woman who'd go on to change my life more than any other woman I've ever met. I'm still trying to process two nights ago, when she berated me over the phone for 21 minutes. I'm still also trying to process the mistakes I made that triggered her to make that call.
And this was on the heels of us patching things up just last Friday after not seeing each other all summer. Part of me says I can now pursue things I definitely wouldn't have dared to do out of respect to her.j But another part of me doesn't want anything else but her.
It's not just about her being in my life and the feelings of love and safety I felt for the first time in my life. I miss the family we had (I consider her two cats to be our kids) and the world we built together. A world free of all the negativity otherwise weighing us down. Exploring fun, new things, acting like big kids, inside jokes. Warmth. Ease.
I'm breathing infinitely better than I was yesterday. My focus on my work is better than it was yesterday. But the pain is still there. It will be for a while.
I'd told her that being with her was equivocal to being in a dream and never wanting to wake up. I was snapped right out of that dream and my reality is cold.
