I'm so out of touch with reality

I'm completely out of touch with reality. Immersing myself in dreams and anime. Anything to stave off my dissatisfaction with this boring life. In my dreams I can truly be creative. Be anything, anyone but in reality I can what. Express my feelings and imagination by painting? Having a large group of people create my own vision after climbing up a daunting ladder of business bullshit, schooling?. Even then my creativity will be short lived. I won't be living it. Putting it on a screen. And reality let's be honest is just car, house, relationship, taxes, hateful political and religious crap. Blah blah blah. Why can't I just die already. I'm tired of going through life on auto. Useless, boring. Wretched life not worth living. I'm not stupid enough to have faith, and believe fealty to a God delusion will solve my problems after I die. The price of not having a weak personality I guess. Whatever. Just venting