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I Wish I Had Understood

I miss August. Getting high and crying together. I caressed your back and arms impulsively. You had told me to avoid physical contact, but you were crying. Your blue eyes had filled with tears, which shocked me because we had met only a few weeks ago. I miss August. I told someone My Story for the first time in August and it was you. I loved you and I didn't even know it. As I choked on words and tears, you rubbed my back, but always keeping your distance for reasons I didn't understand until now. You probably liked me too. Everyone thought that at the time except for me. I was too blinded by your relationship status to realize your mutual attachment. I miss the heat, and the animal shaped trees, freshman field; the smell of weed. I miss you. I truly miss you.

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UncannyPlane21

This reminds me so much of a memory, an experience of mine. It's crazy how much.

Mirabal19 · 26-30, M

I want to hear about it:), tell me.

UncannyPlane21

The beginning of the stories seem very alike, but further on they start to almost seem like opposites.......August was when we started talking. It was the most enchanting thing I have ever experienced. We would stay up late. Getting high and laughing, talking. I told him everything. Everything that I've ever been through. I've never told anyone else half as much. He told me about himself. We have so much in common. He's the only person that has ever made me feel normal. The only person that has made me feel at peace and comfortable. We'd fall asleep together. We were falling in love so quickly. He's the first guy I've ever felt so comfortable even just talking to. As time went on, he began to sometimes warn me. That he wasn't good. But I love him. I didn't want to leave. I don't want to leave. But now, it feels like everything is falling apart. And I'm scared.

Mirabal19 · 26-30, M

They are somewhat similar, but it looks like you and your guy got much closer than I ever did with my friend. Why is everything falling apart? Feel free to inbox me about it if you want to keep it private.

UncannyPlane21

I guess I'm just scared. I don't know. I actually ended up talking to him about it and I think that everything might be fine. I just worry that I'm not good enough or that he wants something else sometimes.

Mirabal19 · 26-30, M

All you can do it be yourself honey. And if he doesn't want that, then he never deserved you.

UncannyPlane21

Thank you. You're right. Thanks. The exact same goes for you. If what you wanted to happen didn't, then it just wasn't meant to be. Something better is in store. It's like when you watch a really good movie and for once the ending isn't cliché and it's surprising and better than you thought it would be.

Mirabal19 · 26-30, M

Thank you :)
But in my experience, nothing was ever meant to happen. We were just friends and I literally have just begun to realize that I actually wanted him more. Having true feelings for people is very new to me, so I'm really slow when it comes to understanding my own feelings. Besides him and his girlfriend are super cute together, haha. I like your movie analogy! I think not getting what we want is what makes life worth living, you know?

UncannyPlane21

Got ya. That's cool. Thanks. Yeah! If everything happened the way we expected it to or wanted it to, life would be pretty boring.