I Am So Fucken Confused
How could I not be? The situation is rather messed up.
After everything that has happened this last year, I am surprised that I made it out alive... But I did. I managed to let you go by moving far away from you and starting a new life.
Now you're here, living in my room..., sleeping in my bed. And everything is pretty much the way it used to be. It is so easy to forget that any of this happened. But it did. And because of that, nothing is the way it used to be.
It no longer hurts me, but it confuses the living shit out of me. This is not what I wanted, but I don't want to make it stop either... Nor do I want to escalate it. Quite frankly, I have no idea what I want anymore.
I think I ought to first figure out wtf this is, before I can consider whether I want this or not - whether I can live with this, or not.
After everything that has happened this last year, I am surprised that I made it out alive... But I did. I managed to let you go by moving far away from you and starting a new life.
Now you're here, living in my room..., sleeping in my bed. And everything is pretty much the way it used to be. It is so easy to forget that any of this happened. But it did. And because of that, nothing is the way it used to be.
It no longer hurts me, but it confuses the living shit out of me. This is not what I wanted, but I don't want to make it stop either... Nor do I want to escalate it. Quite frankly, I have no idea what I want anymore.
I think I ought to first figure out wtf this is, before I can consider whether I want this or not - whether I can live with this, or not.
31-35, F