I can't understand my emotion and feelings

My closest grandmother passed away yesterday. I saw my mother, sister, and my father crying. Deep inside, I wanna cry out loud, but I can't. Today, few tears are coming out but I can't still express my sadness. Now, I am feeling sick and sluggish. I am thinking that maybe I'll be fine if I cry out loud?

Sorry for my English btw.

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RebelFox · 36-40, F

You will grieve your way, don’t look at how others handle this. Just go your way. When my dad died I didn’t cry until months later. But he was a jerk.