Like no one really truly cares.

I feel alone because it's been a long time since anyone has really asked how I'm doing emotionally. There is a lot ticking inside that no one is aware of, and my own bf doesn't ask me. He just apathetically goes on with his day and it's like he's just going with the motions himself, but it's like we're both shells living under the same roof with no one else. It's very lonely. And we have a 3 bedroom house, with one room being my office. The other room is for guests because we gave up on roommates. Roommates suck. We have animals, but I wish they could talk back. I'm lonely and hurting inside because nothing is really going in the right direction for my life, and I hate my job. I went part time to concentrate on a class that I thought would bring me a job (I'm not finished yet)that would make me better money and bring me a better feeling...like I'm actually helping people and serving a purpose. But now I'm not even sure I want to do that for a living. I mean, the up side would be that I'm not talking to customers and feeling like I'm abused...but the down side is that it's really hard to do and I'm risking people's lives if I type the wrong thing...Not only that, but it's just depressing transcribing/editing stuff about peoples' health (disease, cancer, diabetes, etc.).

I'm just not in a stable enough mind to go listening to reports about people who are ill or deathly ill without thinking about my own mortality. So, now what? I don't know what else to do, and I can't just quit my current job without another one lined up. If I did that I would be relying on a man who will set the rules as to what I can and can't do with his money. I don't want to have a man dictating my every move. Plus, I've got a sick dog who needs the healthcare. He's like my kid. I can't just let him die. He is a living being with needs and feelings. If I lost my job now, my bf wouldn't necessarily be willing to pay for everything the dog needs. His cataract and glaucoma eye drops, his healthcare plan, his heart medication, etc. This dog is one of the only things that keeps me sane. If I lost him now, I would scream. I feel like screaming every day. Every second of the day. My heart can't take much more of this life, and I need something to give soon. I'm crying inside and feel like no one is reading me.