would you like me to tell you your future?

Eat a vegetable or you will lose 2 inches. 😨

Like...two inches off my height or two inches off some dimension of my penis? Because I really can't afford either of those. Can we just chalk it up to two years off my life and call it good?

@IvanKaramazov: Lols. I'm guessing hair but idk, shove a vegetable in your mouth to be sure.

Okay, but my hair is about the perfect length right now. Can we just chalk it up to two years off my life and call it- my god I am really desperate not to eat a vegetable right now after that whole orgy post with the eggplants.

@IvanKaramazov: what orgy post with eggplants 👴 get yourself a cucumber instead 👌