Have you ever tried ayahuasca?

Thanks for the sound advice.
I've never had any type of hallucinogen in my life. Apart from salvia but I never had anything visual from that, it was a feeling of my movements being pre planned and not really in my control, although they were, it was like something was pushing and pulling my movements. Interesting experience.
I don't feel like I can ever fully prepare for what I'll experience from it, since all the trip reports pretty much describe it as indescribable. But I will be with good friends I've known my whole life in a place I've hung around since I was a kid

@SuicideScout: np man. mmm. Make sure you're in a sound state of mind when you take it. The happier, the better, as the trip will mirror your feelings about it. Bail out or delay if you're depressed or angry. Hallucinogens are sort of like dreams, especially DMT. It roots out your subconscious and can show you heaven or hell. You must be stable going into it. It's not a flippantly fun thing with pink elephants. It's looking deep within your inner being and confronting problems and goals and desires and such. That was my mistake. But, if you have no history of mental illness, it shouldnt be a problem.

Anythijg related to drugs, this is the guy to listen to.
[media=https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=hHmU0-2Txbc]

@ColdPenguin: how did it fuck you up bad?

@ColdPenguin: thanks I'll check that video out shortly. Just watching naked and marooned with Ed Stafford and naively thinking how wonderful it would be lol.

Yeah I've read about it doing that kind of thing. They say "it dosen t give you what you want, it gives you what you need" and funnily enough that's all I want lol.

@Calliope: TL;DR: last two paragraphs. Well, no way to answer this concisely. Okay. First, my mistakes pre-trip, for potential reference.

I was around my childhood friends. Friends I was unaware I did not trust, which I learned the hard way, I did not. I'm talking people I viewed as brothers and sisters, consciously. A harsh lesson in delusion.

Second mistake. I took it at said friend's apartment: a place that was not excessively comfortable, to me.

Third mistake. I smoked weed before it hit. I can now no longer smoke weed, as it always causes a sort of flashback and sends me quivering in sheer terror in the corner of the room.

Fourth mistake: I asked my best friend if he wanted to watch me trip. He did not, but did so anyway, because he was a giant pussy afraid to tell the truth about how he felt about anything. He was angry that he had to deal with my unfunny trip. So, he drove me home while blasting DevilDriver--melodic death metal, very angry music.

Fifth and sixth mistake: which I alluded to. My mother is bipolar with psychotic episodes; and, I had a history of major depression. I did not research the substance and sought to use it in a time of instability as an escape. But hallucinogens are anything but escapes from reality.

All of these served to pile on top of the ill effects I received from the trip. Which, ended up being many psychotic and delusional symptoms. I feared greatly that my friends were planning my murder; I had thoughts about the potential of others having super powers of some sort and using them to conspire against me; I thought I had super powers of some sort that I just couldn't manifest properly; I experienced religious delusions and became a terrified Christian for a couple months; thought demons and the devil were after my soul.

Such and such. It took literally years to handle these effects and for them to subside. Not just during the trip, but years afterwards. I still have a few of these ideas that go around in my head from time to time, 8 years later; though, I have learned how to combat them with logic. My personality also shifted from wide-eyed puppy-like extrovert to distrustful introvert.

@Calliope: can't speak for penguin. But I fucked my self up with ecstasy back in my younger days. I was taking it with people I barely knew. It was the first time I'd had it and it was under all the wrong circumstances and much too often. I wasn't in the right frame of mind to do it

I experienced bouts of paranoia. Like crazy paranoia. I thought people knew what I was thinking a lot of the time, this went on for months afterwards. I truly believed that. Too, I managed to keep it to my self thankfully and it passed.

One night in ecstasy. I thought everyone else was sober apart from me and they were all taking the piss and laughing at me. Every time someone in the club looked at me, this story I'd made in my head kept playing out that I was the only one not sober. That was interesting.

I talked my self into beleiving it had all been placebo all along and everyone was laughing about it behind my back. Thankfully I managed to keep most of this to my self apart from a few outbursts that were laughed about later. If they all really knew what was going off in my head I'd have been committed.

And lastly some delusions of grandeur with the paranoia too that lasted a long time. Again mostly managed to keep it to my self with my last strand of sanity but it went on for a long time. I became quite reclusive, not wanting to speak to other people or see them, those closest to me noticed something was wrong but didn't really know what, luckily for me lol.

Saying that though I've had some great times in ecstasy and wouldn't change it for the world, and I've never been happier than when I was experiencing delusions of grandeur lol. So there's a plus side to everything.

@SuicideScout: That's the thing about ecstasy, too. Literally 95% of the pills on the black market are fake. Some filled with dangerous and un-researched chemicals. Always use a testing kit with tabs. But yeah. Real MDMA is like pure fluffy happiness.

@ColdPenguin: it is indeed I was young and dumb. I've just read your experience. Very similar in ways to mine with the pills. Interesting to read. Thanks for sharing

@SuicideScout: You too. ^^

@ColdPenguin: do you feel a stronger person now from the experience? If you could go back and not do it, would you?

@SuicideScout: Heh. Good question. I feel like a more knowledgeable person, now. I feel as though the shock and trauma were actually the doors to my subconscious being unlocked and throwing a bunch of my repressed issues right in my face. My fear of the Judaeo-Christian God existing and me being sent to Hell, as I had been taught. Repressing my perceptions on my friend's perceptions of me. My repressed fear of the unknown supernatural.

There are still a lot of unknowns. I don't know if I would have been worse off had I not taken the LSD. I likely would have continued to deaden my senses through the use of drugs. But, at the same time, that might have connected me to others.

You know. It's just too much extrapolation. I just don't know. I won't say that my life became better after the LSD, because the total mental breakdown was excessively painful and filled with transcendental fear. And it nearly killed me. And sometimes too much truth is too much.

Yeah. I think if I could go back, I would not take it. As they say, ignorance is bliss.

Yeah I get that. Personally I'm glad of the experience feel like I'm better for it, as troubling as it was at the time. anyways. Thanks for the chat, you're an interesting dude

@SuicideScout: Gratzi. No problem. I hope your trip goes well. :)