The burden of shyness...

I have a tendency to think people are not hitting on me unless they put on the table that they are hitting on me so I get myself into situations more often than not where I don't realize someone is hitting on me until long after the fact or if someone else explains to me the person was hitting on me after telling them what happened. So, I usually think we are just hanging out, which is awkward enough, and it turns out it was supposed to be something else.

There is one girl at work who is... well... not fully developed (as a point of reference only), I guess you could say and she always seems to be trying to get into my business and now I find out she has been trying to socialize with me, I guess. I mean, people have been telling me that is what she has been doing, but I didn't see it. I thought she was just being obnoxious and I suspect she betrayed my confidence by telling our manager that I was thinking about not going to the office Christmas Party... which I ended up going to after my manager told me I needed to go as though she knew I was thinking of not going.

Anyway, now, she has asked me to go to coffee with her which I don't know what to make of it. I mean I assume she just wants to hang out in a chill way, but now everyone has me second-guessing everything and I don't really know what to do. All I said is, "I'll let you know," and she had to have me repeat myself twice, so I'm not sure if I was just speaking low or if I mumbled.

I honestly don't know what to do.

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Poppies · 61-69, F

It's only coffee.
Yes, I know she could have a hidden agenda, but even if she does, it won't kill you to drink some coffee and chat.

MarkPaul · 26-30, M

@Poppies You don't understand...

1. I'm not very good at small talk.
2. It's taken me this long to realize she might not be trying to be obnoxious all along.
3. I think it's just a chill hang-out and she might be thinking it's a date... it's confusing from the get-go.
4. I'm not very good at keeping a conversation going.
5. We work together and are on the same work team. It's not like this is just a breakroom casual conversation. I can handle that. That's not what this is.
6. I already feel awkward... like I am turning this into a middle school "get to know your classmates" mixer... except it's just going to be the 2 of us that she is setting up and neither of us are in middle school.

I don't know. I mean I am probably going to go. I can't think of a productive way to get out of it. But it's causing quite a bit of anxiety, apprehension, and analysis. I appreciate your input though.

Poppies · 61-69, F

@MarkPaul I understand it a little bit. I, too, am a shy person, and I hated it when my entire work group went out for drinks after work a couple of times. But ask yourself who OUGHT to feel awkward if it becomes clear that you have different ideas of what this is. She is the one who pushed for this to happen, and she may feel rejected if it becomes clear that you and she are on different pages. You won't be the rejected one; she will. I understand that you don't want that kind of awkwardness and that you wouldn't want to hurt anyone's feelings. I was just thinking that you might feel a bit more confident if you tell yourself that she has as much or more on the line as you do. Good luck; I hope you don't have too bad a time.

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