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When Motherhood Steals My Womanhood

🌹Being a mother has been the greatest blessing—and the greatest conflict of my life.

For years, my identity was wrapped up in my children. I gave everything, sacrificed endlessly, and poured myself into motherhood. But somewhere along the way, I stopped being me. The woman with desires, needs, and passions—the side of me that craves intimacy, connection, and fulfillment—was pushed aside.

Recently, I tried to reclaim that part of myself. I allowed myself to want, to feel, to seek more than just the role of mom. But it wasn’t easy. My responsibilities as a mother never disappear, no matter how grown my children are. And because of that, I feel torn in two—forced to choose between my role as a mother and my identity as a woman, it's like the two don't mix!

It’s a quiet, aching conflict. Every time, motherhood seems to win, while the woman in me gets silenced. Sometimes I wonder if other mothers feel this too—the tug-of-war between being everything for your children and still wanting to be seen, desired, and alive as a woman.🌹
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BlueVeins · 26-30
Are your children all adults?
3timesalady · 51-55, F
@BlueVeins One is 14 and 4 are adults
JollyRoger · 70-79, M
@BlueVeins Good question!
@ Logybear50 I'm not a woman, therefore my perspective is moot except to say this: I worked (emotionally) hard to connect with my children when they were very young and all through their teen years. Wrestling with them, reading to them, playing (sports) in the yard and coaching teams, teaching the 'how-to' for any situation where they approached me when I was doing something, etc.
And, yes, I'm an emotional person - not a hard-line disciplinarian nor a push-over..... "Mom says I can do this...." was never a 'reason' to gain my permission and that statement, if posed was when disciplining did enter the picture.
So: that's the long story. The short story is that our children (my wife being of the same philosophy as me made it easier) grew up, worked out their problems either on their own OR felt comfortable enough to seek advice or just consult for the sake of maintaining friendship with us. They each have their own family and they do not ask us for parenting advice; they do not ask us to babysit; they come to visit and their children are happy to be lovingly 'roughed up' by me just as their parents were. WE ARE IN THEIR LIVES BUT THEY DON'T NEED US. No parent should need to continue parenting when their children are independent and doing that job.
For you to lose your own sense of 'self' by continuing past your 'best before date' you are denying yourself what you strived to achieve: Raising independent and self-sufficient children. But, it's your problem now to cut the velvet ribbon and let them fly on their own. Good luck.
You deserve to be the glamorous, sexy woman you feel you are - again! You can do it!