Are your children all adults?

I can understand a little of how you feel. 🤔

Due to childhood abuse, I was thrown into the role of mother at 2 years old. This is when my little brother was born. My mother put him in my 2-year-old arms and said, "Now you're a mom", and she meant it. 😔

I have also raised 2 generations of children to adulthood. My own two children and four of our biological grandchildren. We adopted them,so they are our children. While I was raising these kiddos I was also a foster mom and daycare provider. This left no time for me to ever figure out how to want what a "normal" woman wants. 🫤

I am 59 years old, now, and I have been a mother (or mother figure) almost all my life. Like you, I put all of me into being the very best mother I could be for the children. I may be different from other moms in that I have developed no other interests outside of being a wife and mother. These roles became everything, and the only thing I am today. 😕

Now all our kids are grown (some still live at home), and I have time to figure out who I am, finally. However, I find myself too exhausted from life to even try to answer this question about what it is I really want. I also find it almost impossible to think along those lines. I mean, what do I want? I ask myself this all the time now, and all I hear is crickets. 🙂

I was always a stay-at-home mom, so over the years, I became more and more isolated from other people. Sometimes I try to interact with other people on social media, but I find that after so many years of not interacting with people much, my social skills are very limited. 🫤

I am not unhappy, though. I am very proud of the children I have raised and the people they are. I guess this is where I have found fulfilment. If I had it all to do over again, I wouldn't change too much. The early years of my life I would have liked to have avoided, but from fourteen on, my life has been ok. 🙂

I like the woman I became, but I know I am missing some development in my personality, such as wanting to be seen. I have always found it easier to blend in and become invisible in crowds rather than to be seen. I do wonder, sometimes, who I would have been if I had been allowed to develop normally, though. 🤔

When I was first married, I felt some need to be seen, desired, and to have a strong emotional connection to my Husband, but as you mentioned in your post, motherhood sometimes pushes these needs away. I guess that because I have a Husband who desires me, sometimes more than I am comfortable with, I didn't feel as torn as you mentioned in your post. I do crave more emotional connection with my Husband, but that isn't ever going to happen, so I have learned to need less.😔

I think many moms probably feel the same way you do, though. I have watched my daughters struggle with the same things you struggle with. It seems very difficult for them to feel so torn. I hope you find all that you need and that you don't let the woman in you be silenced. Although I don't know you, I think that would be a great loss.🤗

This was a really long response,and I do apologize for that. I guess my brain is a bit unfocused this morning, and I couldn't think of a shorter answer. Anyway, I wish you well in this journey you are on.🤗

I felt this in my soul. My children are adults and we are so close so I still feel like my life is always going to be about them and their needs. I am conflicted because I want it that way but I also crave independence and privacy and the time to pursue fulfilling my own needs. It’s tough for sure but it’s nice to know I’m not the only one 🌸

I understand what you mean. I’ve felt that same pull—loving my children with everything I have, yet realizing somewhere along the way I lost sight of myself. When I’ve tried to reconnect with the woman I am beyond being a mom, it’s been hard, because the responsibilities never really let up. That quiet conflict you describe is something I’ve lived too and it helps to know others feel it as well.

I'm not a woman so I can't speak directly to your post. But there is no doubt, once we have children our lives are forever changed. As you've said it doesn't matter how old they are, there is always that parent role close by. Getting back to living for yourself can be a challenge. Good luck in your journey.

I am a guy and a father and some similarity but minimal to how you feel. Won't say know how you feel because I don't, just hear what you say. But best I see is a Mother is what you are and not just who you are.

I understand as a father of three. They are adults but still live at home oldest has 4 that live home also. My wife dose more than she should for my daughter and her kids. And yes they are my kids no matter how old

It helps if you try new activities and meet friends outside that role.
Like maybe join a hiking group or a zumba class.
You might find quite a few women in the same place in thier lives.

Parenting always demands sacrifice that's why parents are revered as god's in some country's ,their sacrifice of each thing finances,time,patience,intimacy with partner so that the kids grow strong ,secure and have successfull careers. Theirs never I but them always n everytime..

I understand this 100%. I really think modern women are forced into all the masculine and feminine roles of life, leaving no room to be an individual.

Oh tell me about it.. I feel like a zombie some days.